Living The Good Life in Bklyn

Channeling Snoopy

2012-02-02T08:08:00.000-08:00

Doing the happy dance because of...

and...

because I can then take pictures and edit them to look like...

and...

Oh, and here is a picture of my new haircut that I forgot to post...I don't hate it anymore

All pictures were taken from my iPhone

The One Where We Went To NYU

2012-01-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

Life....it's getting in the way of blogging!!! It either seems like I just do not have the time, or I'm too tired to sit down and make my brain think of things to write about.

Yesterday we were in the city at NYU medical center for Gia. It was for those two UTI's she had right around Christmas. We were really hoping to hear that she wouldn't need surgery...and she doesn't. And while we are both very much relieved, I also wonder if it would have been less traumatic for Gia if she'd been under anesthesia. They did a procedure in the office, and while they did apply numbing cream, it was quite obvious that it wasn't effective as soon as they did the procedure, she literally screamed and didn't stop for about 15 minutes after. I was assured that she would only feel pressure, but I know my daughter, that was NOT a scream from discomfort, but from definite pain. As she was laying on the exam table, tears streaming down her face and screaming, I just felt like the worst mother, and it felt as though she was looking at me as if to say "help me mommy". It broke my heart. I realize I can't protect her from everything in life, but I don't like it. A mother's instinct is to protect their child from pain, so it's hard to deal with not being able to. Thankfully today she doesn't have any pain and for the most part, has forgotten about yesterday...enough to play and be herself. The doctor spoke directly to Gia yesterday and told her she has to use the potty regularly, every couple of hours to keep from having another infection. I think what they did yesterday scared her into doing just that, because she has been going frequently, whereas she used to hold it for longer periods of time. I think she is doing whatever she was told so as not to have to ever go back there. They also put her on a low dose antibiotic for the next few months to keep any UTI's at bay. If she gets another one with a high fever, like last time, then we will have to reevaluate what we should do next. The specialist said it is a very vulnerable time for Gia to be getting these infections and is concerned about scaring to her kidneys. Needless to say, we'll be doing everything in our power to make sure she doesn't get another infection, if at all possible.

Gia has just recently stopped her afternoon nap. I was lucky that she napped for as many years as she did. But, her napping in the afternoon started to interfere with her ability to fall asleep at night. When she was still awake at 11:30 one night, I realized her naps were a thing of the past. So, now we hang out together. I enjoy it, but at the same time, I miss my kid free break. It was the only meal out of the whole day that I was able to eat without interruption. It also gave me that necessary breather on those days that they were both trying my patience beyond belief. Gia's a pretty easy kid, so it really isn't so bad.

The kids birthday's are coming up in another two weeks. Gia will be four and Renzo, two. We are in the process of looking into a pre-K program for G next year, but I'm having a hard time finding anything close by. The school that we are zoned for, doesn't offer a pre-K program, and the only other school that is nearby, is offering a full day program only. I think it's a lot to expect from a little girl who has been home with me every day. It would be all day, five days a week. If she'd already been in a day care program, I would feel comfortable knowing she could handle it. We have one other option to look into before we have to look towards a private pre-K program, or end up keeping her home another year. I really wanted to get her used to being away from me for a few half days a week before throwing her right into a full day Kindergarten program, but I would opt for her being a year older before putting that demand on her, rather than doing it now. She heard me talking on the phone about finding a school for her, and when registration begins etc. So she was asking me a lot of questions about school. We call Tae Kwon Do a school, so she asked if her Tae Kwon Do instructors would be there, I told her no. Then she asked if Renzo would be there, no again. And when she heard that I wouldn't be there either, that pushed her right over the edge. She cried in my arms for 20 minutes saying over and over that she didn't want to go to school. So, any and all advice would be welcome here. Do you, or anyone you know, have some great advice on what to do (half day vs. full day).

I never got around to posting my Christmas pictures, but I'm pretty sick of Christmas at this point (as I'm sure you all are too), so I'll limit it to my favorite from that day...

The Empire State building, taken on our way to NYU yesterday...

Making friends in the doctor's office...

Snuggling up with her Pop Pop on the train home...

And, because the appointment fell in the middle of his nap, a nice snooze for Renzo on the trip home...

On a positive note, there were no crazies on the train that day!! Almost unheard of for NY!!

Santa, the Best Rx

2012-01-04T10:35:00.000-08:00

All I can say is thank god the holidays are over. Yes, it was a blast to watch the kids come out on Christmas morning and their little faces full of wonder. But leading up to that day was a bit hellish. Two weeks before Christmas Gia got a UTI, a week later we were in the pediatricians office because she was screaming that her throat hurt EVERY.TWO.SECONDS! I kid you not. Every two seconds people!! Thankfully she didn't have strep throat, but the did prescribe a cough medication to help dry up the post nasal drip that was causing her to cough constantly, which was causing her throat to hurt. About 2 days later we ran Lorenzo over to the pediatrician because he was running a fever and had been lethargic all day, sleeping on and off and not leaving my lap for a second. This kid NEVER sits still, so we knew he was really sick. He had a double ear infection. A few days after Christmas I ended up with a sinus infection, because of course I caught what the kids had. So antibiotics for me too. And, this past weekend, found out Gia had another UTI!! Without getting into details, shortly after birth she ended up with a condition that makes her susceptible to UTI's. It hadn't caused her any problems until just recently. They want to send her to a specialist at NYU and think she may have to have surgery to correct the problem. We are hoping we can try other things before having to go that route.

Remember how I planned on doing a bunch of home made things for Christmas? Being sick, with two sick children, didn't make it very easy to accomplish that goal. I did manage to get some biscotti made, as well as the ornaments by the kids and some chocolate chip cookies. Hopefully next year nobody will be sick, but seeing as it will be Gia's first year in school, I'm betting someone will be.

Homemade biscotti dipped in chocolate...yum! Will be making this again!

Making ornaments

I had to let the ornaments set for about 24 hours before the dough would be hard enough to decorate them. Oh, and, preschoolers/toddlers+glitter=BIG MESS...but, it WAS fun!!!

Then, because it was a lot easier for them (and me), they switched to coloring them...

So as not to overload you all with pictures, I will post the rest of the Christmas pics in another post. That, and I've been a very bad bloggy friend...I need to head on over and see what you all have been up to!!

What Was I Thinking?!

2011-12-14T09:57:00.000-08:00

Christmas is how many days away?! I tried putting my hands over my ears and loudly saying "la la la" in hopes that it would go away. Well, not go away entirely...but I would like to have more time before Christmas morning is here. We planned on putting the tree up this weekend, but it was so deeply buried in the shed that Neil needed his father's help to unearth it. THEN, when we went to put it up, Neil realized the tree stand wasn't in the box. He packs it up every year, but for some reason didn't put it in the logical place, with the tree...and then thought I would know where he did put it...and when I didn't he was annoyed. Huh? If it were me, I would definitely put the tree stand back in the tree box, so this exact thing wouldn't happen. Oh, and guess what?! The stores we went to (4 in total) were all SOLD out of fake tree stands? Are you kidding me? So, apparently everyone else's husband misplaces their tree stands too. Neil had the "bright" idea of using the stand that we use for the outdoor umbrella that goes in the middle of the backyard table. Thing is, the circumference of the hole, is a lot bigger than the tree's center pole. We plan on trying to put it up tonight...but I'm not sure we will be able to figure out a way to keep the tree from leaning at a 45 degree angle.

To save money this year, I decided (I'm an idiot!) to make a lot of homemade gifts. I have had fun finding ideas on pinterest, but the actual execution of said gifts goes much smoother in my head than in reality. This morning I made dough for homemade ornaments. I'm waiting for the dough to harden so we can go on to the next step of painting/decorating them (it should take about 24 hours). The pictures are great (will post in entry about the ornaments when they are completely finished), and you would think that the whole process was magical and sweet from looking at them. But, no. The kids kept fighting over whose turn it was to use the cookie cutters. Then they fought over who got to use the rolling pin and roll out the dough. And then they kept stealing the straws I was using to make the hole in the top of the ornaments. Then I had to stop and change Renzo's very smelly diaper. After the ornaments were done, there was a huge mess to clean up. So, while I did that, thankfully they played together in the living room...until they started jumping on the couch and Gia fell off the side and started screaming. She split her lip a little and was bleeding. In the midst of all of this, the phone kept ringing...and, my phone NEVER rings. And I kept hearing my cell go off with text messages. I could NOT wait for nap time today (ok, that is most every day...but even more so today).

Gia had a promotion test in Tae Kwon Do yesterday. She is officially an orange belt now, I'm so proud of her, she has come a long way from when she first started! She also got an achievement trophy. Not exactly sure what for, not all the children got one, so I don't even know what her achievement was. I'll have to ask. It was also the first promotion test I got through without tearing up. I'm SUCH a cry baby and when I'm really proud of, or happy for her, like at these promotion tests...I have a hard time keeping it together. I've learned that a camera is great to hide behind at those times.

Look at that fierce little girl behind Gia...she looks like she really means it, ha ha.

Totally breaking that board (with her elbow) and showing whose boss!!

She grabbed her belt and ran...they had to call her back to get her trophy

That is Master Joe, the owner of the school.

Trophy in hand this time!

I was wondering why so many of my pictures came out blurry and just didn't look right. A few days ago I had been trying to play around with manual settings on my camera and I had forgotten to put it back on automatic. I can't believe I forgot to check the settings. I doubt I will again...ok, I probably will, but I won't admit to it. I also checked my lens today before taking pictures of our craft project, and noticed that there was a tiny little Renzo finger print on it...which affected the bottom left of some of the pictures. There is a bit of a blur there.

It's Okay Tuesday, Brooklyn Style

2011-11-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

It's Okay Tuesday!

Amber over at Airing My Dirty Laundry got this idea from Glamour and has made it a weekly link up over on her blog. To join in, head on over and see her (she's very funny, so be warned, you'll probably get drawn into reading a lot of her posts and next thing you know it's an hour later and you still haven't written your "It's Okay Tuesday" post).

It's Okay...

To LOVE nap time. Sometimes I feel like it's all I can do to survive until the kids nap and I get a breather.

To think M&M's should be their own food group with a recommendation of at least 5 servings a day.

To be happy Thanksgiving is over and to not have to worry about making another big meal like that until next year. In Italian families, Christmas eve dinner is all about fish...and since I don't like it, and have never cooked with it...that is one meal I get out of making.

To have not gone out shopping on Black Friday. Seriously, the lines and the attitudes are big enough here in NYC on a regular day of shopping.

To hate my new haircut. I went and chopped all my hair off, and even though I showed a picture to my stylist (of a shoulder length bob), in which there were NO short layers whatsoever....she went and decided that was exactly what I needed. So, now I'm stuck with a clip permanently in my hair because I have no idea what to do with the massive bang section she gave me.

To want a new iPhone even though I just got a Droid 2 about 6 months ago. Every other week my text messaging acts up and I can't put any spaces in my messages.

So.it.all.ends.up.looking.like.this!

To not want to clean when I have a few minutes to myself. In fact, that's the LAST thing I want to do with my precious, kid free moments.

To not have put my tree up over the weekend. I have visions of Renzo climbing to the top and saying "hi mom", like he does every time he knows he's doing something wrong and I've caught him in the act.

To love my kids more than anyone or anything, even though they drive me crazy most of the day!

Ok, now go link up!!

Pintervention...Hot Fudge Oreo Cupcakes...YUM!!

2011-11-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

I was so excited when I read about Stephanie doing this and couldn't wait to get my butt moving on making one of my pins from Pinterest (I really wish spell check would stop changing it back to "interest"). I had a few ideas but only really had time to make the Hot Fudge Oreo Cupcakes from Just Get Off Your Butt and Bake (recipe HERE). I also had a little helper...who made it a lot more fun...and a LOT more messy!

Here all the things needed (minus the butter and cool whip, which were both still sitting in the fridge)

Gia had fun crushing the oreo cookies.

These were delicious! The only trouble I had was that when I tried to squeeze the hot fudge out of the plastic baggie tip, it kept splitting and a big glob ended up on one of the cupcakes. I had to triple bag it, and on top of that added a flimsy sandwich bag which was the only one that didn't end up splitting on the side. Neil loved these. I also like that I learned how to make my own hot fudge sauce and never realized just how simple it was. I also didn't need a whole bag of the oreo cookies...so now I have a bunch of crumbs left over...I suppose I will just make a few more cupcakes with the left over ingredients. I hope this inspires me to create more often because it was great girl time with my best girl!

Struggling...

2011-11-21T18:40:00.000-08:00

I have been hesitant to write about this, but it is something I'm going through and it's not like I can hide from it...believe me, I have tried.

A few weeks ago we had a little pregnancy scare. We didn't see how it could be possible, but there was a pretty good possibility that I was. So, off to the obgyn. It felt like hours before they called me back to the room. I went through the whole thing of how it didn't seem possible, but because I am taking a slightly less favorable blood pressure medication, it seemed like a good idea to follow up as soon as possible. Let me just say, I didn't want another child. I felt like two was the perfect number for us. Life was moving along as usual and then this happened. It turns out I was not, in fact, pregnant. That we were right, that it wasn't possible. But, a definite shift happened while we were facing the unknown. I realized that I actually DID want another baby. There are days where it feels like a challenge with just two children...so I didn't ever think I would want to add to that chaos. But when I thought there was a distinct possibility that I was...I actually felt a little excited, and found myself day dreaming a bit. Neil and I were both sad when we found out for sure that there was no baby. But, I took it a lot harder than he did. Maybe it's a woman thing. I always loved being pregnant, aside from the minor aches and pains, it was a pretty amazing time in my life with both of my children. It really was a miraculous thing to feel my babies kick from within. And the anticipation of their arrival was so magical.

So, I have been in a bit of a depression for the past two weeks since we found out. It doesn't help that while I am beyond thrilled for my sister in law over her pregnancy, it also brings it home that much more, that I am not, nor will I probably ever be, pregnant again. We talked about it a lot after. In order for us to have another child Neil would most likely have to find another or second job. It's expensive to live in NYC, and even more so to raise children here. You almost have to put them in a private school once they hit middle to high school...in order to give them a good start with college. The public schools aren't the best around here apparently. Neil is a psychologist, so it's not like he doesn't have a great education, but he never completed his Ph.D., so he doesn't have the same flexibility with job choices of those who do have it. He also figures that he would have to take the train into Manhattan to find anything paying a decent amount. Which would also end up in much longer hours away from home. So, technically we could have another child, but a lot of changes would have to be made. And I'm not sure they are ones we are even willing to make. I don't know that it's fair to the children we already have, to take more time away from seeing their father, in order to bring another sibling into the family.

I also turned 38 in September, so time is running out. My doctor suggested that we hurry up and conceive before I turned 40, if we wanted to have another child. So, we don't have a lot of time left to decide...but, with all the changes we would have to make...it seems like we already have decided. And it's not an easy thing for me to accept. I have been struggling with the thought that there will be no more tiny baby hands to hold, or that will grab on so tightly to my finger. It saddens me to think that Renzo will be the last child I will breastfeed. Don't get me wrong, I feel beyond blessed to have Gia and Lorenzo in my life. It took us two years to conceive Gia, two years that felt like forever and had us questioning if it were even possible for us to have children. I will always be grateful for the wonderful children I DO have. I just wish that I had never thought I was pregnant because I never would have realized how much I actually do want another child. That way I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on anything. It would have felt exactly right. Now, it feels exactly wrong.

This Sums Up My Day...

2011-11-18T16:34:00.000-08:00

Next time Gia wants to play hairdresser, no combs!! But, she did have a good time!

I Totally Pinned That

2011-11-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

I'm fairly new to pinterest and I'm finding so many interesting ideas on there. I realized the other day that my board with the most items, is the one with all the delicious, fattening recipes. I wish I could blame every one else who is pinning them, but I go look at the one recipe and then that leads me to the original website that they got it from and then I find about 10 more yummy delicious things to pin! NOT good! Stephanie over at "the mccalls" is having a Pintervention...LOVE it! Instead of pinning all these great ideas and not actually trying any of them, she and another friend are challenging us to try one of the ideas we have pinned. So if you want to join up, head on over to Stephanie's on Tuesday the 22nd to join in and share what you tried on pinterest.

Ever try to make an important phone call when your kid/kids are underfoot? Yeah, that was me today calling the insurance company and having to interrupt the woman on the other end a few times because even though they were playing ever so nicely when I started dialing, all hell broke loose once I was talking to someone! And, not only did I have to make one phone call to the insurance company, but I had to call back a second time to fully resolve the issue.

I have to know how you all get your cooking done in the evening when you have a young child who LOVES to climb. I either have to scramble to cook dinner during the time Lorenzo is in the high chair having a snack, or I have to wait until Neil is home and I don't like to do that either since I know he is pretty hungry once he walks in the door. I have the couch pushed up against the wall that divides the kitchen from the living room and there is a cutout in part of the wall, so you can look into the kitchen from the living room and vice versa. Well, Renzo's favorite thing to do, the very second I walk into the kitchen, is to scramble up onto the back of the couch, pull himself up and peek through that cutout. Which, from his point of view, I agree would be pretty fun. But, considering I don't want him falling and hitting his head any more than he already does, I'm left with no choice but to not cook, or "trap" him in the highchair. Boys are HARD! Gia never climbed, so Renzo was a major reality check for me. It feels like every time I turn around I catch him standing on something he's not supposed to. And the look on his face every time I catch him...pure joy! It's so hard to scold him when he looks so utterly proud of himself. How do you all deal with your little monkeys?

If you have never checked out Modern Family...you HAVE to. I watch that and just die. My DVR is usually left with about 1-2% room on it (who has time to watch TV with kids?!), but somehow I manage to keep up with episodes of Modern Family. Hilarious!

Fall Family Pictures

2011-11-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

Please Pass a Tissue

2011-11-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

There is a very good reason I carry hand sanitizer and sanitizing wipes everywhere we go. Sick children=at least 2 weeks of hell and NO sleep. Kind of reminds me of the first year of Lorenzo's life, well...the no sleep thing anyway. They don't catch it at the same time, which is good and bad. Good because there is only one whiney child with a runny nose and bitchy disposition at a time. Bad because it extends out the "fun" for two weeks instead of one. And then they share all their awesome germs with me and I get to experience the fun first hand...with at least one, still sick, still whiney, child. And Neil, he NEVER catches it...how does that happen?! I swear he never gets sick with what they have. He was complaining the other night that it wasn't nice for me to wish he would get sick. What he doesn't understand is that what I really wish, is for me to NOT get sick. Because really, him getting sick would be like adding another whiney child into the mix...no thanks!

The last few weeks I have been using all my spare time (when a child isn't clinging to me and wiping their snot on my shoulder), on Shutterfly, making Christmas presents for family. They were having some pretty good sales on a lot of things, but the deadline was last night before 12. So I sat there at the computer with a massive migraine, finishing everything, so we could get the order in on time, and I did just barely. This morning I get an email from Shutterfly saying they now are having an even bigger sale going on...AWESOME! (they totally need to invent a sarcasm font!)

Neil and I were in Toys R Us the other night buying some Christmas gifts for the kids and I kept saying how we would need to get two of everything. He is not home all day with the kids so he wasn't quite getting the logic of that. He thinks it's a waste to buy two of the same toy when we could buy something different for each child. I don't really think it takes staying home all day with the kids to realize that they both always want the SAME toy that the other one is playing with, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

My daughter needs to be on that show, Buried Alive, the one about hoarding. Every day she gathers up toys along the way that she decides are her favorites at that moment, and proceeds to put them all in a cardboard box (that she also hoarded away) and tries to keep out of Renzo's reach. Her crib (we can't seem to get her out of her crib...she is almost FOUR!) is FULL of toys that she doesn't want Renzo to get to. It's starting to get out of control...I'm thinking of contacting TLC.

The Bee and the Monkey

2011-11-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

Last Friday they had a Halloween party at Gia's Tae Kwon Do school. I managed to take some pictures of the kids with the good camera before we left.

Renzo was fascinated with Gia's wings...

And then Renzo realized it wasn't as much fun sitting still for pictures and decided to clue me in to his change of heart...(is it wrong that I totally love this picture?)

And then he was all..."I can do a rockin' monkey impression"

As you can see, he was pretty happy with how well his impression turned out...

And then he got bored again...

Then it was off to the TKD party...where Renzo thought he was the leader of Simon Says...

My friend Suzanne (the purple crayon) came with her sister and niece, Jadyn.

I think this is a picture of Renzo and his future wife playing ball.

Then they wrapped up the instructors in toilet paper to look like mummies

We found another way to cut costs around Christmas time...just wrap up some toilet paper for Renzo...

We had Trick or Treating here in NYC last night. Gia has been invaded by some nasty cold germs, so we dressed her extra warm with a few sweatshirts under her bee dress and made a quick trip up and down the block.

Happy (belated) Halloween!!

Part 2 of the Hindu Wedding

2011-10-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

I just sent Neil with the two kids to Gia's Tae Kwon Do class. I am in the house ALL ALONE!!! I had forgotten what total silence sounded (and felt) like!!

Here are the rest of the pictures from the hindu ceremony.

I love the picture below because it was the first time they saw each other after she walked down the aisle, I love how happy they both look.

Throughout the ceremony they were giving offerings to a statue of her gods, mostly Sharmila was giving the offerings, but occasionally Andrew did as well.

And then this guy on the right lit a fire in that thing that looks like a 3 tier cake.

Andrew and Sharmila's mothers had to leave for the part where they got covered by the sheet so I got a picture of them with the kids

Exchanging of rings...

At the end we all threw flowers/flower petals on them.

All the offerings...

Sharmi's family.

Us with Andrew & Sharm

Another favorite of mine, below.

The End!

There Once Was A Wedding...

2011-10-26T11:11:00.001-07:00

During my blog hiatus Andrew & Sharmila got married (this past May). They had two wedding ceremonies, the hindu one was on Friday night and the catholic ceremony was Saturday. The hindu ceremony was the most fascinating I've seen, so colorful, beautiful, and joyful. Lots of music and dancing. I managed to get a ton of pictures, so I'm breaking this up into parts. So, here is part one of the hindu ceremony...

I love this picture of Sharmi (above, far left) the morning of ceremony, she looks like such a "little" girl, so different than how she looks once she is totally dressed and with her makeup on (below).

Here she is with her oldest brother, Ravi

This is her whole family

Isn't she beautiful?!

Below is one of my favorite pictures of her this day, in front of her parents house before leaving for the ceremony

Here is Andrew in front of her parents house (after she left)...it is custom for the groom to get ready at his future bride's house, with her brothers.

Here are the drummers that you could hear a block away...there were people outside on the street waiting to catch sight of the bride and groom.

Here are some of the guests waiting for the bride and groom, Sharmi was already there at this point...we missed her arriving since we were with Andrew.

Here they (Sharmi's family) are welcoming Andrew's family, this is his mother (in orange) and Sharmi's mom (in yellow), it is a celebration to welcome the bride,groom and their families once they arrive, so a lot of people were dancing out front.

Here we are waiting for Andrew to pull up with Sharmi's brothers, my closest friends, Kerrie and Heath are standing to the left of us.

This is Sharmi's dad welcoming Andrew into their family.

Some statues in the back of the mandir

The ceremony space...

The rest will come in the next post.

Very Rude Awakening

2011-10-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

I remember when Gia turned two. My little girl was the sweetest little thing, she was perfect...she never, ever threw a tantrum. She was happy almost all the time, she went along with all our daily plans without complaint. Everything was magical, that is, until she turned three and a half. All that time, I thought people were insane when they talked about the "terrible two's"...they certainly didn't know MY daughter! There was nothing terrible about her. At the time, I thought I was the most amazing mother if we were able to bypass those oft spoken about terrible two's. Then of course, she turned three and a half...and I realized I was a regular mom...no better and no worse than any other. Then Renzo was born, and our life was thrown into a beautiful, shiny new, chaos. It was blissful, even if we (ok...just ME, since Neil slept right through all the night time feedings) were sleep deprived. Fast forward to 20 months old and holy hell, it dawned on me...Gia skipped the terrible two's because she didn't have a sibling! Gia didn't have to throw a tantrum because she had my undivided attention, didn't have to share her toys, and could choose what show she wanted to watch on TV. It is quite clear that Renzo will NOT be bypassing the terrible two's. Dear God, they fight ALL.THE.TIME!!! And, he is SUCH a boy...he knows exactly what is going to upset Gia and does it, then stands back watching for the reaction he is hoping for. She never fails to let him down. I sometimes go lock myself in the bathroom praying for some supermom insight to enlighten me. I've yet to gain my magical powers. So, I spend most of my day diffusing arguments, or trying to avoid them in the first place. My mantra of "you're going to miss this time when they were little" isn't helping either. I think I'm more referee than mom lately.

We had family pictures done on Sunday and every single time we do them, I ask myself why I put myself through all that...but then I see the pictures and most of the time forget about all the whining, crying and begging that went on (I won't say which one I did out of those three). Gia wants to pick out her clothes and shoes all the time now...but I'm sorry, she is NOT going to wear a Thomas the train t-shirt in family pictures. And the shoes I made her wear to the pictures, caused a major meltdown, every time we put them on, she pulled them right back off again. And the very next day when I asked what shoes she wanted to wear, she asked for those very shoes! Please tell me this is typical for a 3 yr old! I feel like I'm living with a schizophrenic half the time, ok, more than just half the time.

I'm so excited, someone in the family is pregnant...and it isn't me!!! My sister in law, Sharmila, is 11 weeks now. At her last doctors appointment the Dr. thought there might be twins...but she found out yesterday it was just one baby...and we all know, one is more than enough work. I'm so happy for them and she is the cutest pregnant woman I know! Isn't she cute?!

Apple Picking

2011-10-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

Nice New Yorkers...Oxymoron? I Think Not Y'all!!

2011-10-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

So, I had my second pc (both brand new) in the last five years, die on me. Thankfully, this time I was a bit more prepared and had an external drive that I had been backing up all our pictures and videos on. We ended up deciding to switch to a Mac when we had to buy a new computer, I'm loving our new 21 inch iMac, it is amazing! Sucky thing is, that external drive that I had everything backed up on...was formatted for a pc/windows operating system...so on top of having my hard drive from the pc backed up (for all the things I hadn't gotten around to backing up in the last month before the computer died), I also had to have the external drive backed up onto ANOTHER external drive that would be compatible with my new iMac. It's been kind of a headache switching from one operating system to another because not everything is compatible with a Mac. We (and when I say we, I mean Neil) get to go pick up the new external drive tonight that they switched all our old data to. And, while we were at Best Buy the other night talking to Geek Squad about the back up, we decided not to back up the old external drive because the expense was more than we wanted to spend this close to christmas, and coming off the expense of our vacation back home to see my mom, and the new Mac. The awesome girl behind the counter went back and spoke to her manager and they waived the $150 to get the old drive backed up! If it wouldn't have totally freaked her out (and possibly gotten me arrested), I would have kissed that girl! It was so nice of her to do that for us. And people have the misconception that New Yorker's aren't nice! They are (I should say "we" are since I've been living here 8 years now)! My pictures of the kids mean everything to me, so I'm excited that I will have them back home, next to my computer and can access them anytime.

We are having the kids/family christmas pictures taken this sunday. We are doing it extra early this time in light of my amazing (annoying) ability to procrastinate. And of course, not very many christmas dresses were out as we shopped around at the mall this past weekend. We finally found one in JC Penney, we couldn't decide between two of them, so I let Gia choose. It's near impossible to get her to wear something that she doesn't pick out herself. We do draw the line sometimes, a few weeks ago we were in Lane Bryant and she picked out a blue (her favorite color) DDD, lacy bra and asked if we could "puh-lease" buy it for her. Neil just about had a heart attack at the thought of his little girl one day wearing a sexy bra like that! He is still under the delusion that she is either going to be a nun, or live with us forever...unmarried.

I dragged out the crock pot from the very furthest depths of the cabinet last week so I could start using it again. Now that we are out 3 or more nights a week, right around the time I cook dinner, I need some sort of back up since take out isn't a healthy or budget friendly option. Now I just hope I can find some quick prep recipes to make so we can all eat again.

I wish I lived in the South, or midwest...or wherever they say "y'all". I just want to be able to say "y'all". It just seems like even if you're saying something rude, but add "y'all" to it, you end up sounding nicer somehow. "Y'all are too old to be driving, get off the road!", or "Y'all are being idiots". Think I'll start trying it with Neil and see if he thinks I sound less bitchy when we argue if I add in "y'all".

Bye y'all!!

remember me?

2011-10-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've been away from the blogging world for an entire year. I think I just needed a break, that and having a new baby made it really difficult to find any time to blog.

Gia is 3 & 1/2 and Renzo is 1 & 1/2 now. Time has flown by. We are involved in music class once a week still. And we have Gia enrolled in Tae Kwon Do. She just received her yellow belt last week (she looks like a tiny little angelic badass breaking boards).

I'm still wiping butts and noses all day, every day.

A whole year later and so much...and nothing, has changed. Hopefully I can keep up with this again, because I'm seriously done with all the emails with comments from people trying to sell things on my previously vacant blog.

By the way, I've been silently stalking you all right along...but found it difficult to comment on blogs from my phone/iPad (there was always some issue with my password and I got sick of losing my long, well thought out comments in the process of trying to sign in). Now that I have my new computer (woo hoo!) you'll be hearing from me again...hopefully!

The Answers You Seek Are In Norway

2010-08-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

I had my postpartum check up at the gyno on Monday (6 months later...what can I say? I'm a procrastinator). The longest conversation I had while there, was with a four year old in the waiting room...and my husband was sitting right next to me. Did we talk? No, he played on his phone while I learned all about Emma, the four year old. Her middle name is Elizabeth. She wants a sister named Sara, she loves books, dinosaurs and babies. She was also fascinated by Renzo, and he with her...so that worked out well. She wanted to know if I had food/a bottle in the diaper bag to feed him with. That was a bit awkward, how do you explain to a four year old that the milk for him is in my breasts? Her parents were there (of course, because how many random 4 year olds hang out in the gyno office?) so I looked to them, uncertain as to how much they wanted their daughter educated in the gyno's waiting room...wait, that's kind of an education in itself. I explained to them and they said to her that Renzo gets special food...which wasn't really an explanation, but luckily she's four, and it didn't go further than that. Not that I mind explaining, but I'm definitely not going to educate another person's child in areas they don't want them to be.

Conversation with hubby a few days ago...

Me-"is my nose getting fatter?"

Neil-"sigh"

Me-"well, is it?"

Neil- "Heather, I'm not even going to answer that"

So, I'm wondering if it's like the "does my ass look fat in this" kind of thing, where no intelligent man, who ever wants to have sex again, will say "yes"...which is why he won't answer. Or, if it's a roll his eyes, shake his head and thinks I'm being ridiculous, kind of thing. But I'm left wondering (still) if my nose is getting fatter...because it totally looks like it is, and I really don't need anything else on me getting fatter these days.

I'm loving my iPad...still. The newness has yet to wear off...I would divorce Neil, just to marry it...I think he knows this. The latest app that I downloaded was mahjong, it's mindless, has pretty graphics...what's not to love? This one also provides little fortunes after the game is finished...I'm wondering who they got to come up with these little tidbits of "wisdom". One of them said "You are not illiterate", which doesn't seem so much like a fortune, but more like a guess. Another one said "The answers you seek are in Norway"...perfect! Maybe they can tell me if my nose is getting fatter!

He really is breastfed...not book fed.

See that scratch under his eye, there on the left (his right)? Look a little closer...in fact, maybe go get a magnifying glass while you're at it. That minuscule little scratch had EVERYONE asking what happened. When Gia saw it..."mama, what's on Renzo's eye", later I saw my MIL (aka DIL) "ohhh, what happened to his eye?", a few seconds (no joke) later my FIL "what happened to his eye?"...then hubby gets home "hey, what happened to his eye?". He's a baby! He has these teeny tiny, sharp little finger nails and they scratch things...like his eye...now get over it! (By the way, his eyes are always puffy underneath, it's not swollen)

Prolific Blogger...that's me, I think

2010-08-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

Another award!!! For me!! For serious!!

I received this from Amy over at Keeping Up With the Shultz Family (Thanks Amy!!). She was the one who gave me my very first bloggy award a while back. If you don't know her, go check out her blog. She is an awesome mom and she has the cutest little girl, Alyce.

As with all awards, there are also rules to follow and this award is to be passed along to others.

1. Each Prolific Blogger must link to the blog from which he/she has received the award.

2. Every Prolific Blogger must link back to this post, which explains the origins and motivation for the award.

3. Every Prolific Blogger must visit this post and add his/her name in the Mr. Linky, so that we all can get to know the other winners.

4. Every winner of the Prolific Blogger Award has to pass on this award to seven other deserving prolific bloggers. Spread some love!

**This award was originally created by Advanced Booking and is meant to be passed on to Prolific Bloggers. A Prolific Blogger is one who is intellectually productive, keeping up an active blog that is filled with enjoyable content.

Seven Blogs to pass this on to:

Is it totally cheating to give this to everyone who reads my blog? There must be at least 7 people who read this...right?! Right?! So, there you go...this award is for YOU! Because I love you! You're welcome!

Gag me with a sweater!

2010-08-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

The little man is going through MAJOR separation anxiety these days, and while it's great for the ego, its not so great for getting anything done without a baby on my hip. My ring sling and the bjorn are great for putting him in when I need to feed Gia, but he is so grabby these days....everything takes twice as long to get done because I have to do a duck and weave maneuver as I'm making Gia lunch. Oh yeah, he's also teething and has a cold which is making for REALLY fun times lately. Thank god he's so freakin cute!

Over the weekend we went to a local amusement park with the kids and had fun going on the mini (caterpillar) roller coaster one hundred million times! As soon as we'd exit the ride Gia would hop along beside me and say "again mommy, again!". I, of course, could not say no to that smiling, shiny eyed face of hers. If you are not Italian, know someone whose Italian or ever watched an Italian movie than it may seem strange to know that we pretty much all do everything together. Everywhere we go, Neil's parents come with. When I went into labor with Gia...the WHOLE family went, I kid you not. It was Neil, his father and I in one car and in the second car was Neil's mother and brother. It is always very aggravating (and strangely amusing) going anywhere with his family because no Italian family that I know can go for longer than, oh...5 minutes without fighting (they call it "discussing"). Add onto that, a grandmother who thinks she knows what's best for MY kids (what grandmother doesn't) and EVERY.SINGLE.TIME we walk out the door she's asking me "do you have a sweater?" It can be 100 flippin degree's and she's asking me "do you have a sweater for the kids, they might get cold"...and I'm all "are you friggin kidding me?!"...sadly, she is not. I'm so sick of her asking me, that I have sweaters stuffed everywhere...in the stroller, the car, the diaper bag. It's understandable when it's in the fall, or even a cool summer day since we are lucky enough to live in a nice part of Brooklyn that happens to be right by the ocean. But, even with an ocean breeze there is no way the kids are going to need a sweater on a 90-100 degree day! All said and done, we had an awesome day with the whole family.

Madly, Deeply

2010-08-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

I finally got it...my iPad!!! Woot woot!! I SO did the snoopy dance in Best Buy as we were checking out. And because they didn't have any of the 16GB, I got the 32GB instead! Who knows if I'll ever need that much storage, probably not. I am in love! It's beyond hard to put down. The first night I had it was the first night I lost sleep that wasn't related to a baby or 2yr old! Love, love, LOVE it! I'd been going back and forth between that and getting a laptop (I was trying to be practical...but then said screw that!).

Same day that we bought the iPad, we also bought a new refrigerator...only to find out we didn't need to buy it after all. Yeah, Neil was not so happy about that. But, in a way, it's our fault for forgetting that we have a 2 yr old that touches EVERYTHING. As we were eating breakfast Sunday morning we realized that the freezer wasn't on. And the refrigerator wasn't very cold. Bread in the freezer was all defrosted (luckily the meat hadn't yet). I remember talking about checking the coolant control but I guess in the confusion we didn't. Monday morning Neil told me that he looked at the dial and sure enough, it was turned all the way down! And guess who turned that very knob today as I was rushing around trying to make dinner? Yep, little Ms. Touch EVERYTHING! I'm just glad it wasn't my fault. If Gia does it, Neil just smiles and shakes his head. But, YAY, I'm getting a new refrigerator! The one we have is pretty old, and has the wire racks for shelves so every time we put a bottle on the shelf it wobbles, then falls down. It also means I get out of cleaning the refrigerator...which hasn't been done in, um...ok, since right before Renzo was born. In my defense, the kid wants to eat ALL.THE.TIME...still!!

Random future blackmail picture (my poor, poor son)...

A Day At The Park

2010-07-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

There is a park right across the street from one of the bus stops that Neil can get off at on his way home from work. It's been pretty hot in NYC this week and on one of the nicer days we went to the playground with Gia...she LOVES it here so I try to make a point of going at least once a week.

Sleep, Glorious Sleep!

2010-07-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

I've been getting me some! Sleep. And it is heavenly! Five months later and we finally figured out that Lorenzo has a dairy sensitivity. And the reason he was wrestle nursing (kicking, arching, bucking etc.) was because he was so uncomfortable with the gas that the dairy was causing. I've cut dairy out of my diet and he is nursing better and SLEEPING! He's yet to do that five hour stretch that he used to do, but I'm hopeful that after 2 more weeks (they say it takes 2-3 weeks for it to get out of my system) he will. In the meantime, he nurses so serenely at night now that I wake just long enough to get him latched on and we both go back to sleep. I used to know how many times he would wake every night, now I have no idea because I don't wake up enough to be aware of what time it is. Oh, how I have missed my sleep!

We were all playing in Gia's room this morning and she pushed her little chair over by Renzo's exersaucer toy and said "I'm going to sit next to Renzo's applesauce toy" Exersaucer...applesauce...sounds the same huh?

Gia is pretty much down to eating air these days...or it seems that way. That girl is pickier than I am! She will cry and say she doesn't like whatever it is that we put on her tray...then five seconds later pick it up and eat it. Anyone else out there with a picky eater? I'm trying to figure out at what age I can start being a little tough on her as far as eating goes. I hate the idea of saying that she has to eat whatever I made her or she'll have to go hungry...it just doesn't sit well with me. But, I don't know how to make her eat what has been prepared. A lot of the times it's food that we know she likes, but for some reason doesn't want it right then. She doesn't eat any red meat (I think it's a texture thing), won't drink milk AT.ALL. She loves fruit, hates veggies. She would eat a jelly sandwich every day if she could. She doesn't even like peanut butter! She doesn't eat terrible, but she could eat better. The good thing is that even though she doesn't eat as many things as I'd like, she also doesn't eat donuts, cookies, candy etc. And, her favorite thing to drink is water. Every now and then we will give her some watered down juice and she doesn't even like it. Any advice is welcome!

Here And There And Everywhere

2010-07-23T06:34:00.001-07:00

Neil was pointing up at our wedding picture the other day and he asked Gia who was in it. So she said "Daddy!", then Neil said "and who is that?" as he pointed to me standing there in my wedding dress and poofy veil and she said "mommy wearing a costume". I'm Princess Mommy!

(this is the only wedding picture I have on this computer...me and my mom)

Gia is in this phase where she wants to watch the movie Bolt...only, she just likes the part of the movie where he is a puppy...and that lasts about 2 minutes. So, every two minutes she makes me start it over...this can go on for a good half hour. Good times!

This picture should have been posted a LOOOOOOOONG time ago back when Brandy had this fabulous idea of doing a flip flop swap. Jacque adorned these cutest flippies ever for me...thanks again Jacque!

The other day as I was sitting on the couch with the kids, Renzo had just finished eating and Gia was staring at him and said "awww, look at him, he's beautiful!" and if that didn't make me melt into a big old puddle then she said "mommy, you're beautiful!". And that, that right there is what helps me not go off the deep end when she's in one of her diva moods.

Keeping Cool

2010-07-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

He may only be 5 months old (insert silent scream of disbelief) but he has already figured out how to keep cool on these hot summer days.

1.) Keep yourself shaded from the sun by wearing hats...

2.) Keep hydrated

**no babies were harmed (ok, maybe his self esteem...he didn't think the hat was "cool" enough for him) or got drunk during these photo op's.

The Best Daddy

2010-07-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a few weeks but...have I mentioned how little time at the computer I have? So taking these pictures caused me to seriously consider going out to buy myself a bottle of wine. Though you can't tell from the end result, Gia was in a foul mood and didn't want to pose. Somehow we powered through and managed to make Neil a Father's Day gift out of these pictures all framed up. I wish I could take credit for this idea but I found it on someone else's blog and can't remember who...so if it was you...or someone you know, please tell me so I can give credit. I thought it was a stellar idea...so I stole it! I was on the verge of panic when I came across that person's blog and saw her idea...I hadn't thought of anything to give Neil, besides a scribble picture by Gia (we did that too). I feel very lucky to be married to Neil, that he is the father of our children. My kids are lucky to have him too, that he is their example of what a real man is...compassionate, loving and selfless. We have had our moments, good and bad, but there is still no one else I would rather spend my life with.

Life Is Good

2010-07-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Five months later and things are just starting to ease up a bit. And while Lorenzo still wants to nurse frequently, he's just now starting to have occasional stretches where he can go for an hour and a half once he's done eating, before needing to nurse again. This has made everything a lot more doable. I'm also getting a shower EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!!! This is progress!

We have found a rhythm that works, a routine that the day just naturally falls into, and it's nice. It's nice to be able to have time to play with Gia...I've missed that...I think she has too.

As hard as breastfeeding is, I have to say that I love it. We co-sleep with Renzo and there is this time in the early hours before anyone else is awake that he will wake for a feed and I get to watch him nurse in the early morning light. It's beyond peaceful. It is the best way to start my day. He's snuggled up close to me, his hand resting gently against the breast he is nursing from and he looks so content. And I feel this overwhelming feeling of pride, that I'm doing that for him, sustaining him from my own body as well as providing comfort at the same time. I love that he will stop feeding during the day to smile up at me and then go back to eating. I love the way he just stares up at me like he's trying to memorize my face. So, yes, all those sleepless nights that I've had (and am still having) are SO worth it all. It was a fight to establish this breastfeeding relationship. Both my daughter and Lorenzo had a hard time latching on when they were first born, and with both it took a few weeks of cracked, bleeding nipples and toe curling pain when they first latched before it got better. Once we got that corrected I had hospital stays...with Gia it was 4 days away from her...the first 24 hours of which I was in the ER and didn't pump once...and still managed to get my milk back in the next day through pumping and from her nursing once I got home again. And thankfully, only one night away in the hospital (gallbladder) with Lorenzo at home. But, nursing after that surgery was painful and hard. Add into that the reflux and bouts of thrush, it hasn't been an easy journey. Nothing that is really worth it in the end ever is. I'm proud that I'm able to do this for him.

Feeding him in public has been a bit of a struggle for me. I do it though. I use one of those cover ups, but lately he hasn't wanted to nurse with that on. It gets quite hot under there, so I don't blame him, but it's going to force me to find another way to feed him in public. I'm not ashamed to be breastfeeding, but at the same time I don't feel comfortable whipping the boob out to do so. I'm going to have to figure some other way around this because I don't want to be confined to the house. I'm always afraid that I'll run into people who will tell me that I shouldn't be nursing wherever I may be, because it offends them or whatever. And while I feel that my baby deserves to eat wherever and whenever, I also don't want to be made to feel bad for that. I'd rather just not have that confrontation. Thankfully I haven't had any trouble while using the cover up. I've nursed in restaurants, in church during his christening, the mall, Music Together, Coney Island, the playground, etc. I've yet to get any kind of disapproving comment or looks. But, if I have to go without the cover up (and it seems like we are headed in that direction), I don't know what to expect.

So, life is good. I can breath. I have moments to myself and I feel a true contentment with my life. That this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. And I'm happy.

Craziness

2010-06-26T12:09:00.001-07:00

This is the first opportunity to sit in front of the computer and blog in weeks. And I miss it, I miss doing something for me.

Life is busy (whose isn't?) and while I know this time when the kids are little is fleeting, I still have my moments where I just want to sit...to be...to have silence.

Breastfeeding...is HARD!! I just thought that by now things would be easier. I don't know why but Lorenzo still wants to eat EVERY hour! EVERY hour...and I have a 2 year old who wants my attention...wants to play with me like we used to...wants to do something else besides watch her mommy feed her little brother for the millionth time. Oh, and he is also feeding EVERY hour through the night lately too. For the past few weeks...longer than a typical growth spurt, so I don't think that is it. Our doctor put him on prevacid a week ago (for acid reflux) so I have my fingers crossed that it will work. Right now, it just feels like I'll be breastfeeding this little guy right through college! It's draining, and tiring, and lovely all at the same time. At this rate I'm only able to get the basics done. I feed the baby, then get Gia fed...feed the baby...read stories to Gia before nap...feed the baby through her nap and if I'm lucky he naps for two hours during that time...feed the baby and put him in the ring sling while I frantically try to get dinner finished before Neil gets home...feed the baby and then read books to Gia before bed...etc. Everything revolves around his feedings, and while I understand that it should to some extent...I get frustrated when I go and read that a baby his age should be nursing about 6-8 times during the day. Anyone out there who has breastfed their kids...feel free to offer advice...lots of it!!!

Neil has actually promised to get me an iPad for my birthday/anniversary (in September). He told me this after one particularly trying day and said he wanted me to have something to look forward to. I'm really hoping I can blog from it because otherwise it will be months between posts.

We had a diaper malfunction yesterday...with Gia no less. Lets just say it was not pretty. There was poop everywhere in her crib. She must have gone during her nap (either before or right after...but I'm guessing before). I explained to her that she needs to yell for mommy to come change her if she has a dirty diaper...so hopefully we can avoid the fun of that in the future. Lorenzo needed to eat (shocker) and I just ran in to get her up out of the crib so she could play while I fed him when I started to smell something on the way into her room...then saw poop stains all over her sheet. I put Lorenzo in the swing where he proceeded to scream in protest (this kid has a set of lungs!) and I got Gia out of the crib as she cried too, got her diaper off (wish I had a hazmat suit and really long tongs to pull that puppy off) got her cleaned up with wipes then brought her into the tub for a more thorough wash down. Lorenzo was still screaming, got Gia dried off and dressed. I put her down to go play when she starts screaming again because I forgot to put her socks on and god forbid she walk around barefoot...I am the WORST mom ever for even thinking that she could go sockless. Finally calm her down...socks on...off she goes to play (or torture Lorenzo who is still crying in the swing). I took all her stuffed animals out of the crib and bagged up the ones that needed to be washed as well as the sheets and other bedding. Washed my hands for about 10 minutes and was finally able to feed Lorenzo.

Both kids have also been sick this week with a cold. Monday was the first time I didn't go with Gia to the pediatrician and I felt major mommy guilt for not being there for her. I just didn't want to expose Lorenzo to germs unnecessarily and he really needed a nap. Just your basic cold that makes the rest of the week hell because it puts the 2 year old diva in a crap mood all.week.long...such fun! Oh, and add in lots of late night wake up's and group naps in mommy and daddy's bed because it's the only place the princess will nap when she's sick.

I'm just glad the week's over!

And now some pictures to remind me why I love this mommy gig...colds, tantrums and constant feedings aside.

My Wish

2010-05-30T10:13:00.001-07:00

"My Wish"

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you,

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace in every mistake,

And you always give more than you can take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish

I hope you know somebody loves you

May all your dreams stay big.

-Rascal Flatts

What I Didn't Know I Needed

2010-05-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

I love your soft baby skin. I love snuggling up with you at night. I love the contented look on your face after I feed you. I love the feel of your downy, feathery hair. I love your long beautiful lashes.

I love your laughs, coos and squeals. I love the "conversations" we have together.

I love your little bow lips. I love your chubby legs. I love your little piggies and feet.

I love your little baby hand wrapped tightly around my finger as if you know I'll always be there for you (and I will).

I love watching you grow and every new thing you learn (like how to stuff your hand in your mouth).

I never thought I'd want a son (for some reason, I thought I'd only have girls), and now I know you are exactly what I wanted and needed.

iPad Lust

2010-05-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

Conversation with hubby yesterday...

Me- "I think we should get an iPad"

Neil- "We already have a computer....blah blah blah....expenses...blah blah blah...now have 2 kids...blah blah blah...budget...blah blah blah".

What I heard...."maybe"

So, Neil bought me a ring for mother's day...from Tiffany's...which I hate. I feel like an ungrateful wife, but I really don't like it and I know I'll never wear it. He gave it to me early (the day before mother's day) because he didn't think I'd like it either (why buy it then huh?). So he's bringing it back and taking me to the jeweler we usually go to and looking for a mother's ring to replace the other one. Me, I'd really like that iPad. Just yesterday we saw someone digging through the trash on a busy shopping street 10 blocks from home, so I'm not oblivious to the fact that I'm lucky to have a roof over my head, that I don't have to dig through trash for dinner and my children are healthy. I'm not into designer things like Coach bags (my future sister in law asked for...and received...a $1,500 Gucci bag from Neil's brother for her birthday). The last article of clothing I bought was from Target (a maxi dress that makes me feel like it's acceptable to wear a nightgown in public...it's THAT comfy!!). But, I am a huge techo geek. Give me something shiny, complicated and that comes with an instruction manual and I'm all over it like Tiger Woods is with sleazy women.

Reliving The Very Recent Past...

2010-05-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

Which is another way to politely say I'm late...very late, at posting Easter pictures. At just over 3 months the little man is finally starting to feel better, sleep a little more and go longer between feeds...can I get a hallelujah? This hopefully means a little more computer/blog time, then maybe I'll clean the house...maybe!

Things have eased up between me and the D.I.L (devil in law), the wall has definitely helped, because this way I choose when I have to interact with her. If I hear lots of screaming from from the bowels of hell (basement) then I don't venture past my protective wall. But, I have made a huge effort at trying to overlook and move past our differences. Sainthood just may be in my future. I've actually been spending time with her and the kids, asking if she'd like to go to the park with us etc. It has eased some of the tension which has helped mine and Neil's relationship as well. So, as I'm famous for, to make a short story longer...we were downstairs spending Mother's Day with her and the fam when after she opened up the framed picture of the kids that we gave her she went over and kissed Gia then came over to where I was breastfeeding Lorenzo under the nursing cover up and............kissed my freakin' boob! Yes, she kissed my boob, I kid you not. She thought my boob was his head! I do have rather annoying large breasts, but I never thought they could be mistaken for a HEAD!!! Now that I've left you with that disturbing visual lets move on to Easter pictures.

Being All Random Like

2010-05-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

I was folding the kids clothes (it took me TWO days to finish them) and as I was going through them I noticed the new socks my mother sent me for Lorenzo have that sticky stuff on the bottom to help grip the floor better, you know, so my 3 month old won't slip while walking. Seriously, how many 3 month old's do you know that walk and would need that added feature on their socks...just sayin'.

I spent about 5 minutes trying to clean a boogie (I no longer know how to use grown up words) out of my daughter's nose the other day. I tried to use a tissue but it just smushed it around causing her nostril to stick together. Finally I just picked it. And to think only a few years ago I was a hair stylist, doing a grown up job and using grown up words. I'm now a professional nose picker. We all have to have goals now don't we?

When I feed the baby I like to play with his hand when I'm nursing him. The other day I noticed he had dirt under his finger nails. He sleeps (not often enough), poops, eats and sits with someone while doing his impersonation of a bobble head...how the hell did he get dirt under his nails?

I realized the other day that I'm really behind on cleaning, what with a newborn who is permanently attached to me and all, it's been rather difficult to do much of that. I was sitting on the couch feeding Lorenzo (what else?) when I looked over at Gia and saw her wiping the window sill with her hand, so I asked her what she was doing. "Gia making snow for mommy"...dust much?

Not until I had a new baby in the house, who I desperately want to sleep, did I realize how freakin loud kids toys are. I'll just get Lorenzo to sleep and that's when Gia decides to play with one of her MANY noise making toys. It is definitely more challenging having a new baby in the house and a two year old. I think parents with more than two young children should either be institutionalized or given some kind of award for making it through the day with that kind of chaos.

Time to feed the baby (can't help but age myself and think of that Dunkin Donuts commercial "time to make the donuts")...mmm donuts!!

Mom Fail

2010-04-27T11:32:00.001-07:00

The fancy cropping is somehow supposed to make my mom fail more attractive (let me know if it worked). The only way I can get Lorenzo to sleep during the day is in the Maya wrap, once he's in there I can do things around the house (ok, I'm lying...I blog...or read other blogs)...occasionally (all the time) I will snack here and there, like those times that he starts to move around and he needs the motion to lull him back to sleep. I was snacking on mini marshmellows one day (hey, they're fat free!) and dropped one. I looked EVERYWHERE for the damn thing and couldn't find it. About an hour later the baby woke up and wanted to eat and as I was taking him out of the wrap something white and sticky smeared across my arm as I pulled him out. I couldn't figure out what it was until I got a look at this....

Who knew...marshmellows melt with body heat!

arggghh matey

2010-04-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

Finding the positive....

2010-04-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a bit of a rocky week. More tantrum crying than usual. Two kids with dirty diapers at the same time, two kids crying at the same time, dishes that need to be done, dinner that needs to be cooked and sleep that needs to be had...by mommy!

Neil has no patience for Gia's behavior lately, and while I don't like it either I know it's her age. He thinks it's not normal and I think it's perfectly normal, if not trying. Some days she says she HATES the very food that she LOVED the day before. That's a toddler for ya. Some days she is an absolute angel, while other days she is a diva. And some days I just want to run away, or at least have one whole hour to MYSELF. By the time I take Lorenzo into bed with me for the night I'm dead on my feet. My days are chaotic...breast feed Lorenzo, then put him down so I can get Gia away from the mini ladder I've been using to get her on our bed for diaper changes and into her crib, since the surgery I'm unable to lift her while carrying Lorenzo in the sling. Feed Lorenzo again, then put him down when Gia falls and starts crying. Change Lorenzo's diaper on the kitchen table (it's the least back breaking surface right now) as Gia starts running around like a big piece of velcro, everywhere she goes she picks something up. Feed Lorenzo as Gia starts throwing all the pillows off the couch, put Lorenzo down and save Gia from disaster as she gets ready to fling herself from the back of the couch, pick up a crying Lorenzo and start feeding him again. Etc.... I don't know what I would do without naps! I love my daughter to pieces but when nap time comes I'm so relieved to have only one child that needs my attention, and once he's fed and asleep in the sling I actually have some quiet time.

Breast feeding has been a bit rough at night...pretty much ever since he's been born. I guess it's partly his fussy time and he's also very gassy. I give him gas drops throughout the day and that has seemed to help. I've wiped dairy out of my diet because that upsets his stomach which has also seemed to help him feel better. But on some nights, anywhere from one to two hours, we do something I call wrestling nursing. I get him latched, he pulls off (full suction...OUCH!), get him latched, he bucks, kicks and pulls off a second after getting him latched and so on for 1-2 hours (hours people!). Back when I nursed Giovanna it was so peaceful, she nursed so quietly, never had any problems like this with her. I hate that I can't wait for him to turn 4 months (which is when their digestive systems are supposed to mature a bit more and are less likely to be gassy) because I know how precious this time is and how quickly kids grow up. I want to soak up every sleep deprived second. But, this night wrestling nursing is pretty tough. If I wasn't so stubborn I probably would have given up a long time ago thinking that I just didn't have enough milk for him, but instead I researched and gave it time. I finally realized it's not that I don't have enough milk, but that he's just gassy as all hell...poor little pickle!

On the up side, Lorenzo smiles and laughs...and it just takes my breath away out of sheer joy. I watch my daughter hug, cuddle and smother her brother with love and kisses and my heart swells. When Lorenzo cries, Gia says "don't cry Renzo, Gia's here" and I just melt. There are beautiful moments, moments of monumental bliss, moments that make all the rough times more than worth it, and that's what I choose to focus on.

Search Party for Piglet

2010-04-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Recovering from surgery sucks. Breast feeding after surgery sucks. Not being able to blog because of said recovery, sucks too.

Finally feeling better...awesome! Being able to play with my daughter again...awesome! Shopping at Babies R Us yesterday...awesome!

Conversation right before naptime one day last week...

Gia-"Momma, where's piglet"

Me-"I don't know honey, where did you leave piglet?"

Gia-"Gia don't know where piglet is"

Me-"Guess we better find piglet"

It's not like our apartment in the house is very big, and while piglet is a rather small stuffed animal, I didn't think it would be THAT difficult to find him...I was WRONG! I also didn't know a 2 year old could also be a magician and make things completely disappear off the very face of the earth! I looked for piglet for about 20 minutes and finally put Gia down for her nap. Luckily piglet isn't one of her essential stuffed animals...she sleeps with 6 of them and piglet is pretty far down on the roster. Once she was up from her nap we went through the entire apartment calling out "piglet...where are you" for what felt like forever (probably only about 30 minutes) and after emptying out every toy box and container we found him, as well as coming to the realization that my little girl has WAY too many toys.

Two days later...same conversation as above, only replace piglet with elephant, who IS an essential sleep mate. Thank god he was found relatively easily and in time for bed. Dodged the bullet that time but something tells me my luck will come to an end sometime in the near future. Seriously, she makes things DISAPPEAR!! That skill could come in pretty handy, wish I had that one myself.

Another conversation with Gia...

Motorcycle drives by outside window...

Gia-"Momma, what's that?!"
Me-"it's a motorcycle honey"
Gia-(while nodding her head)"motorcycle"

Big loud truck drives by...

Gia-"Momma, what's that?!"
Me-"a big truck"
Gia-(nodding head again)"big truck"

My devil in law is putting the trash out and dragging the pails to the sidewalk which surprisingly makes a pretty loud commotion.

Gia-"Momma, what's that?!"
Me-"it's Grandma putting the trash out"
Gia-(head nodding happening yet again)"Grandma trash putting out"

These are the conversations I have lately, none of that intellectual crap about current events for me...no sir-eeeee. Instead I get...

Gia-"Momma, I do pee pee", "Momma, I got a boogie" (as she comes at me with her finger outstretched to wipe on ME, do I look like a tissue?!) "Momma, pick you up" (meaning "Momma, pick me up" etc.

I used to hop on the train with Neil to go into Manhattan to see a show, out to eat, Madison Square Garden to catch a concert....these days it's wiping tushies and noses and shopping at Babies R Us...and searching for piglet. But, I wouldn't change a thing!

That kind of mom

2010-03-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

When I got pregnant with Lorenzo I had all sorts of visions about how life with two little ones would go. I told myself that I would never shush Gia and tell her to be quiet because the baby was sleeping. I wanted her to just play as she always did and that the new baby would just adjust to all the noise and sleep right through it all, I figured he would already be accustomed to it from hearing it all in the womb. Then Lorenzo was born and reality gave me a big old slap in the face. Breastfeeding (there it is again) was something I had to do, but, my little guy doesn't sleep very soundly or long unless he's snuggled up to my chest in the Maya sling. There are times I feel like bowing to the gods...any and all of them, once he finally falls asleep and my boobs can have a break. Don't get me wrong, I find breastfeeding a beautiful way to bond and nurture him, yadda, yadda, yadda. So now I find myself being "that" kind of mom...the one that's putting finger to lips and saying "shhh, we don't want to wake up Renzo" (Gia can't say Lorenzo...it comes out as Renzo, thus a nickname is born). Once he is in that deep sleep then it's all good, bring on the noise! But until he is I'm the shusher. Luckily enough, Gia goes along with it like it's some game, she holds her finger up to her mouth in a horizontal line and says "ssshhhh, Renzo's sleeping"...then on occasion will bop him on the head in what she considers a soothing , gentle pat. This second child is going to be so easy going after everything he's going to go through with his big sister. Already she's accidentally kicked him in the head at least a dozen times while laying in the bed as I'm feeding him...not once has he cried!

So I was watching this show the other day (Platinum Babies) to watch people spend ridiculous amounts of money on their children who are only going to enjoy the boxes that all this bling comes in...well, once they are old enough to walk...as babies they still won't know the difference between Dior sheets or Target's...it all gets pooped/peed/spit up on without discretion. Anyway, to make a short story longer, the pregnant woman's name was Jenna Talya...now say that together quickly...who does that to their child?! Oh.My.God, can you imagine the teasing she must have gotten...is STILL probably getting?!

Tomorrow we have a locksmith coming to replace all the locks and add another deadbolt to all the doors because a house on our block was broken into. Now Neil is paranoid with me being home "alone" all day with the kids. He's also planning on having an alarm system installed. I guess I will feel safer but not sure it's really necessary.

Music Together class starts up again in another week or two and we're signing Gia back up for it. When I got pregnant we decided to take a break until the baby was here. I think G missed going so I'm really looking forward to watching her run around with the other kids. As she gets older it's a lot of fun to see her change and grow and interact on a whole new level (visions of her screaming "mine, mine, mine" as she grabs an instrument from another kid).

I've realized that I spend way too much time on my phone texting back and forth with Neil and friends because whenever I'm writing up a new post or leaving comments I want to be lazy and type in texting shorthand.

ttyl!

Gia the parrot

2010-03-25T10:27:00.001-07:00

I've known for a while that we have a little parrot on our hands when it comes to Gia but I'm pretty forgetful...at least I've managed to cut down on the swearing quite a bit. The other day we were having breakfast and Gia said to Neil "what's the big deal Daddy?"...hmm, a phrase that mommy says all to often. I'm creating a little Miss Sassy Pants...just like her mom...poor Neil!

Lorenzo smiled...and cooed...and kind of sort of laughed last night! The fun begins! It also means there will be an abundance of that annoying high pitched voice that I use when I talk to him (again, poor Neil) because hey, it produces baby smiles...who cares about the man grimaces from the hubby!

The "boss" is waking up and wants to eat so you all go lucky with a short one today.

Settling in

2010-03-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Everything seems to be falling into a routine these days, it's pretty much the one we had Gia on before only now I can predict when Lorenzo will be looking to eat and when he'll be napping in the sling. There are definitely stressful moments but most of the time there seems to be an easy rhythm.

Lorenzo is 6 weeks old now. He's starting to coo, smile and just be even more adorable. When they are newborns they're just eating, pooping blobs...not much interaction going on. So it's starting to get fun.

The last two days I had doctors appointments and it was chaos just trying to get the two kids and myself ready. I'd put Lorenzo down to get dressed and he'd start screaming...feed him again, put him down so I could throw my hair back and he'd start crying again and so on. Luckily once he was in the car seat he'd be asleep and stayed that way except for one out of the three appointments where I had to bring him with me and feed him in the waiting room. The devil in law took me to all of the appointments because six years later and I still don't know my way around. I'm just glad I don't have to go anywhere today.

I saw the surgeon yesterday and I'm scheduled to have my gallbladder taken out on April 5th. I'm glad it wasn't April Fools day because that just seems like a bad omen. I'll be glad to have it done and over with but I've heard that people tend to gain weight once they have it removed...not so happy about that!!

I keep getting these emails for Viagra...just, why?! My email address even has my first name in it...no confusing me with Bob, Joe or David...all of who may or may not have a problem in that area.

Such fun

2010-03-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

It was hard to let her go down alone...this was the first time!

silly boys!

she was having fun, seriously!

took her a while but once she got the hang of this tunnel it was hard to get her out

time to go...

We had an awesome time...it was a gorgeous day, but the best part was seeing my little girl having so much fun, she had a constant smile on her little face and her happiness is the best gift I could ever receive.

Seriously?!

2010-03-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Like it wasn't hard enough with a newborn, breastfeeding and caring for my little drama queen...I ended up in the ER a few nights ago. I'd been having some gallbladder attacks for the past three weeks...the last one was pretty bad but I made it through all the while still breastfeeding and taking care of G. A few days after that last attack I started turning yellow though, so I couldn't put it off any longer and off to the doctor I went...who immediately sent me to the ER. It was my second trip ever to the ER, the first one having been a week after G was born because my c-section incision became infected. Second baby, second ER trip...any wonder why I'm all set on having any more babies? They did a sonogram which confirmed the gallstones in my gallbladder and that it will have to be removed. It was a fun night of pumping breast milk, listening to some drunk guy who didn't want to pee in the damn cup and some peeping asshole who kept trying to peek around the corner as I pumped. Great fun...wouldn't recommend it. Finally around 1 am they admitted me to a room, slept two hours and had to pump again. One of the reasons I NEVER pump is because it's a huge pain in the ass! And the only other time I've ever used it was the last time I was in the ER. They finally released me the next day because my liver function was back up and was less jaundiced, but the whole trip felt like a waste of time since they didn't really do anything but "keep an eye on me". I have an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday to set up a time to have the gallbladder surgery done as an out patient procedure (thank god). It's so good to be home but I miss food. Between the restrictions due to Lorenzo's allergies and not being able to eat...pretty much ANYTHING because of the gallbladder acting up I'm down to applesauce, jello, plain chicken and veggies, pretzels and soup. I never knew how much saturated fat was in pretty much everything I eat until I had to stay away from it...I guess my weight should have clued me into that fact well before the gallbladder issue huh? Apparently all the yummy things are exactly what caused me to have this issue in the first place, that and genes (both my mom and sister had their gallbladders removed). On a positive note I've lost a total of 30 pounds since Lorenzo was born thanks to breastfeeding and now the gallbladder problem.

It's a gorgeous day today so we are planning on taking the princess to the park to run off some of her endless energy. Here is a picture of us a few weeks ago when we took her for a walk...I look like such a mom, all I can manage these days is to scrape my hair back into a pony tail and I find even that miraculous most days.

Already?!!

2010-03-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

Lorenzo is a month old...ONE whole month old already!!! "Me" time has gone right out the window with the addition of a second child...especially while breast feeding...but I'm really ok with it. I know that this time is fleeting and before I know it I'll be walking around in circles wondering what to do with myself while they are both in school. I also know this is the last baby for us so I'm trying to soak up every sleep deprived second.

Yesterday was the first day I was alone with the two kids...Neil was back to work after a whole month off. I was panicking a little (ok, a lot) the night before, but then as the day went on I realized I can do this. I had to listen to Lorenzo cry a little bit here and there as I was caring for Gia, but overall I was impressed. I never thought I'd be able to nurse and walk/cook/feed Gia at the same time...but I got that one figured out pretty damn quick. There are lots of things you never think you'll be able to do until you HAVE to do it. When I had Gia I used to laugh when Neil suggested I breast feed as I moved around, just so I could do something other than sit in the bed with a newborn permanently attached to me.

We're not sure, but Lorenzo may have a milk sensitivity...which means I have to cut out dairy from my diet. Not an easy thing to do...especially when someone is as picky an eater as I am...I'm a carb-atarian (you know, instead of a vegatarian) and the only other thing I really love to eat is dairy. This means I have to cut out pizza...I live in New York people!! They have the BEST pizza here, and I have to give it up!! Ahhh well, anything for my little guy. It looks like I may be losing even more weight now that I have to cut out almost all the things I used to eat. Quite honestly, I'm lucky to be able to stuff a few pretzels in my mouth for lunch or a cereal bar for breakfast before I have to change someones diaper or keep the princess from jumping off the kitchen table...basically averting one disaster after another (sounds like I'm a superhero doesn't it?).

A whole month into it and I think (fingers crossed) that we got this whole breast feeding thing down. Hopefully (for my readers sake) this will mean you won't have to hear about it much more. It was a rough first month, but I actually have a baby who does what the websites say he should do...eat and then sleep for at least an hour! Seriously though, it's the hardest thing I've done since becoming a mommy.

My blog is officially a "Mom" blog...the most I've been out of the house in the past month was for 5 doctors appointments and two walks around the neighborhood on the last few beautiful days we had. I keep trying to think of something intellectual and funny to write about that happened during my day but I got nothing.

Milk machine...

2010-02-24T11:06:00.001-08:00

These last few days have been making me wonder how people with more than two children do it. Tonight Gia was crying because I couldn't find this skit in one of the 27 Sesame Street episodes I have in my DVR...and it's a 2 minute piece in the whole show...27 episodes to search through people! And Lorenzo was crying from the bassinet at the same time. I felt like running away! A spa retreat would be nice...I'm willing to give out my address to anyone who wants to foot the bill for me...because I'm just nice like that.

Things have been crazy lately. I finally figured out what was going on with Lorenzo and why he seems to want to constantly nurse. One night it was like every 15 minutes he wanted to be put back on the boob...EVERY.FIFTEEN.MINUTES!!! And, since I'm good at self diagnosing through the internet (yeah, my doctors and the pediatrician just love that about me) I figured out that most likely I have an over abundant milk supply and that I could have been a wet nurse in medieval times. Because really, being up at least every 2 hours through the night with one child isn't enough torture...might as well be up ALL night feeding other people's babies. Anywho, apparently Lorenzo is getting more of the foremilk and not enough of the fatty hindmilk so it's causing him to be extra gassy, colicky and because he doesn't feel good wants to comfort nurse all the time. I've been feeding from one breast for each feeding and after three hours will switch to the other one, as suggested online. It has already helped, so, fingers crossed...I may have actually self diagnosed correctly this time! We'll find out on Friday when we see the pediatrician again and I can make myself look like a fool with all my "knowledge" in front of the woman who spent YEARS learning how to be a doctor.

In the midst of all this I found out that someone on Facebook unfriended me! Like I don't have enough to worry about, I'm actually upset about this. I feel like I'm back in highschool and all of a sudden I'm no longer cool enough to be this person's Facebook friend. And seriously, there are people on Facebook that I'm friends with and I have no idea why, so it's not like we're REAL friends or anything...couldn't he have just kept me on the list? Ya know what the kicker is? I don't even like him! Yeah, he's one of my closest high school friends, husband...and his updates were always stupid...so why am I all annoyed for?

I'm feeling a love/hate relationship with my phone lately. I love it, except it's got that stupid touch keypad (I miss the real keypad of my blackberry!) and when I'm updating on Facebook, or commenting on someone else's wall if I touch inside the text box twice it ends up posting what I have written...and I'm always in the middle of typing something...so my posts end up looking stupid and so do my comments. Hmm...maybe that's why he unfriended me!

The other day Neil mentioned that I was really going to appreciate him once he did go back to work (he got a whole month off...awesome!) and I was left to do everything on my own. That was a head scratcher because while I do appreciate that he's stepped up to the plate and done a lot of "domestic" things in the past two weeks...he's doing all the things that I used to do...so shouldn't he appreciate ME more? He said he's more tired at the end of a day spent at home than he is when he's working. Ya think?! He also has less patience after spending all day with a whiny, uncooperative 2 year old than when he strolls in the house at 5:30. He's all sweetness and understanding when he comes home after working all day...he's definitely got a better understanding of why I look like Cruella De Vil at the end of the day with the little princess.

And that's where I'm at. Hopefully I can stop by all your blogs soon!!!

sleep deprived but surviving

2010-02-22T17:55:00.000-08:00

I love this picture of my two guys!

I've got Lorenzo in the Maya wrap as I sit here typing...really wish I'd had this with the first baby because it would have made life a bit easier for me back then, but...better late than never.

Both Gia and the baby are sick with a cold. Gia managed to go almost a whole year before getting sick and Lorenzo will be only 2 weeks old tomorrow and he's already caught something. The poor little guy is sneezing and coughing. Luckily no fever and he seems to be handling it pretty well. I was under the impression breast milk helped in this area but I guess it doesn't keep him from getting sick after all.

Man, this kid can poop! I know, what person can write about the newborn days without mentioning poop? It's such a focus at this stage. I'm so glad I don't have to be as focused on Gia's pooping habits because that would be a lot of poop on the brain...not exactly my favorite subject. He also has a pretty painful looking rash that the doctor called in a prescription butt cream for. My husband can't stop talking about the fact that it cost $40 for this cream that we are smearing all over our son's tush.

Overall Lorenzo (I've gotten past that stage where I called him "the baby" all the time) is a great baby. He's pretty mellow and seems to be similar to his sister in temperment (from what we can tell after only 2 weeks). Even though I'm exhausted we are loving this new little addition to the family.

I got the last of my staples from the c-section removed today and the doctor said to come back in four weeks and we could talk about baby #3. I had to hold back the hysterical laughter. I'm ALL set on having another baby. I love both my kids and feel so blessed to have them, but I'm ready to put my baby making days behind me. I've also lost all of the weight I gained during the pregnancy...11 pounds of it in just the last week, and the week before that the other 10. Breast feeding...the best diet EVER people!

So, that's about it...not much going on in our house these days except feeding, changing diapers, desperately clinging to every second of sleep I can grab here and there, as well as trying to keep the 2 year old curious one out of too much trouble.

He has arrived

2010-02-17T18:09:00.000-08:00

At 40 weeks I went into labor...finally! I'd been having contractions for about a week and they were getting stronger by the day. The two nights before I went into labor the contractions had been so bad they were keeping me up through the night, then during the day they would almost disappear. I was getting so frustrated because the deadline for my scheduled c-section was fast approaching. Early Tuesday morning (2:30-ish) my water broke. While in triage as they were monitoring the baby's heart rate they noticed that it was decelerating every time I had a contraction, which meant he wasn't handling labor very well. Four hours after getting to the hospital Lorenzo Antonio was born via c-section at 7:17 am weighing in at 9 pounds 1 ounce, 21 and 1/2 inches long. While I had really wanted to have a vbac I'm just glad that he was born safe, while in surgery the doctor said that it was a good thing they did the c-section because my uterus had started to rupture (a concern for vbac's). Thankfully the recovery from this c-section has been so easy and just completely different than the first time. It was really hard being away from Gia but she did really well, it was Mommy who had the hardest time with the adjustment. I'm also finding the adjustment a little hard now that I'm home. It's hard to be torn between two children and not knowing which one to go to first. I'll be nursing Lorenzo and Gia will call for me or want me to play with her. I feel so bad not being able to drop everything like I was able to before. I know this is good for her, that she will learn and grow from having to wait a little bit, but I still find it difficult. She really has taken this all so well, no sleep issues, no tantrums and no jealousy so far (fingers crossed). It's going a lot more smoothly than I thought it would. I dearly miss sleep these days. I'm not this huge advocate for breast feeding or anything fanatical but it's important to me to do it for my children...I did it with Gia and now with Lorenzo...but I must say I wish I didn't feel so strongly about breast feeding him...I miss my sleep! Neil has been great, he has washed more dishes in the time since Lorenzo was born than he has his entire life. He's also been doing the laundry and pretty much taking care of Gia all by himself. I'm impressed and grateful. I still find it hard to bite my tongue at times when I see him doing things differently than how I would do them...but I'm trying. Ok, time for a nap!

We have a wall! And a door...thank the construction gods!

2010-01-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

So, as you may (or more likely, not) have noticed, I have been M.I.A for about a little over a week. As they say in construction "the job will take 4 days" and then tack on another 2 or 3 and you have a completed wall/door/hallway! I never thought I could be so happy and in love with a door and a wall...oh and most importantly, a door that has a LOCK on it! No more ambushes from crazy devil-in-law! That's enough to make me swoon...if I knew how.

So, in the spirit of randomness, I'm having my random thoughts post today because, well, I'm feeling random...that and my computer has been covered in plastic to keep out the dust for over a week now and couldn't get to it on Tuesday to play along with the rest of the random masses.

Some things I have learned this week are;

My daughter can now suck her thumb and pick her nose with the same hand, at the same time. I suppose we all posses certain talents...some are just more appealing than others. I also saw what I think was her eating her first boogie the other day and thought I would lose my lunch. I've decided denial is the best approach on that incident.

I thought "kill" and "stupid" were pretty bad words to teach a two year old (thanks, devil-in-law) but there is a new addition to my daughter's vocabulary from the same "teacher"...insert drum roll here..."dopey". Another word to call someone that will make them feel bad...grrreat! Just the education I want my daughter to have when I'm all about teaching her understanding others differences and celebrating them, not ridiculing them.

And while we are on the subject of my devil-in-law I have also learned that my sweet, angelic, never says a bad word about another person, mother, can only take so much. If you knew her you would be surprised to hear her say she wants to come down here and kick my mother in law's ass. And I haven't even told my mother half of the things done and said to me by that woman. I try not to drag her into this mess but last time she called and asked how I was doing I started crying....yeah, kind of hard to play that one off as nothing.

I've learned that my daughter can sleep through the very loud hammering (etc) of construction but not the sound of a squeaky floor board being stepped on.

The two most hated words this week are "Not Responding". I have AOL and every time I sign on and a few minutes afterwards when I try to do anything I get "Not Responding"...so aggravating. I have a two year old and limited time, I don't want to waste it waiting for AOL to catch up with me.

I've learned from my husband that putting broccoli and chicken in the refrigerator is "domestic work". Hmmmm....anyone out there with a nice HEAVY frying pan to knock him over the head with? Might as well do the stereotypical thing if he's going to stereotype me into the typical housewife. He went down to the big freezer in the basement, got out a huge bag of broccoli and chicken to bring up and put in our freezer...which is so packed full that every time I open the door something falls out to land on my big toe (same spot every time too). So when I said "good luck finding a place to put that" he apparently thought I was kidding and just deposited them on the dining room table in front of me. About 10 minutes later when I asked if he was going to put them away he got annoyed and implied that it was my job to take care of things like that. Seriously, anyone have that frying pan yet? I do all the cooking and cleaning, never have a vacation from my job like he does, AND I also do all the "manly" fix-it jobs around the house. If we buy anything that needs to be put together guess who does it...me. If there is something wrong with the TV's, dish receivers or anything else electronic it falls to me to fix it or call to have it fixed. The screw drivers in this house are in my hand more than they ever grace his and he wants to tell me it's my "job" to put food in the freezer...really?!! That, and he always takes it for granted that I'll be here taking care of the princess while he makes spa appointments for massages on the weekends (haven't had one of those myself if two years, unless you count my daughter's feet digging into my back, stomach and sides on those nights that she's sick and sleeping in the bed with me) Lately I've had a hard time getting the image of him in animal skin and dragging a large club behind him out of my head whenever I look at him.

And while on the subject of my hubby....(I still want that frying pan)! I spent about 2 and a half hours cleaning the apartment after the renovations were done, folded two loads of laundry, moved some small pieces of furniture back where they belonged, getting not one offer of help from the caveman, then went down and threw a load of laundry in the washer. While that was running I swept and mopped the kitchen floor, then went back down to throw it in the dryer only to have it start hopping around and making the most horrible sound. I go back upstairs and ask him if his parents had mentioned anything about there being something wrong with the dryer and he said "yeah, they are having someone come look at it tomorrow". So, now I have a clean, wet, load of laundry sitting in a dryer that is broken and while it didn't take a whole lot of time out of my day it kind of pissed me off. I told him I was going down to throw clothes in the machine and he said not a word to me about the dryer being broken. That might have been a GRRRRReat time to mention that to me, not AFTER I'd already washed it and threw it into a BROKEN dryer!

Oh, and I have also learned I'm being graded on my blog posts by an anonymous commenter. They liked my post about Bruce Willis and the Orange Pitcher from hell...but another of my posts got the grading of "ho hum". Which pretty much sums up my life. I'm a SAHM, I have to work at trying to be funny (and fail), I don't lead an exciting life (unless you consider changing diapers, wiping up a snotty nose, cleaning up vomit and being married to a living, breathing, caveman exciting). So, Mr. (or Mrs.) Anonymous...be prepared for MANY "ho hum" blog posts here.

I have a scheduled c-section date of February 11th...which I'm going to beg, plead and basically sell my soul to try and change to a week later than that when I next talk to my OB. No sign of the baby coming anytime soon and I'm worried that my hopes for even trying for a vbac are slowly diminishing. Also, my daughter's birthday is on the 8th, so if I end up having surgery on the 11th we'll have to postpone her birthday party until the following weekend. I really want her to have one last birthday where it's just all about her. So, keep your fingers crossed for me that he'll let me push it back.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2010-01-19T18:17:00.000-08:00

So, another addition of RTT brought to you from the ever hilarious Keely over at the Un Mom...go check her out, better yet, join in!

I don't care what men say, they have PMS without the M (lucky them!). My husband gets into moods where he might as well have a warning sign on his forehead to steer clear...and I heed it, believe me.

We've both decided to NEVER have another baby again. Both for very different reasons. I just don't think my body can take another pregnancy. He, on the other hand, can't handle me through another pregnancy...he mumbles something under his breath about mood swings, I don't know what he's talking about.

Renovations did NOT start today. Supposedly they ARE starting tomorrow (I won't be holding my breath), we'll see and I'll keep you posted.

Diaper changes are all of a sudden reason to become a drama queen. Gia will say "diaper change" then start crying big old tears. You'd think I was torturing her. For some reason she does this mostly for her father's benefit...maybe because it gets results. I just try to calmly ignore the theatrics, which means she doesn't do it during the day when it's just me.

She's also going through a reject daddy phase that is clearly hurting my husbands feelings. I'm at a loss as to what to do about that. I point out to her how sad daddy looks and that I think a big hug and kiss would make him feel better, which she'll do, but not unless I say something to her. Lately she's actually been pushing him away when he gets near and saying "daddy, don't like". I think she's feeling anxious about the change coming to our family. We don't necessarily talk to her directly about it (besides her having a baby brother who is currently in mommy's tummy) but we do speak about when the baby comes home in front of her. She's been saying lately "mommy come home" when I'm sitting right next to her. All of her anxiety is making me more anxious about being away from her as well. Especially now knowing that she won't be able to visit me in the hospital and see that mommy hasn't just disappeared on her, that I will be coming back again.

Yeah, that's all I got for now. I keep thinking about plopping my butt on the couch and working on making a permanent ass print...a person has to have goals don't they?

Nonsense

2010-01-18T11:06:00.000-08:00

Hubby is home today, Gia's napping and we leave for my doctors appointment in another hour. I'm going to try for a quickie update...lets see how that pans out.

We hired our doula yesterday, she's really nice and considering she is a stranger who will be seeing all my lady bits in a very short while, I actually feel comfortable around her. Besides that, Gia approved of her. How do I know? After the doula (Piper) sat down on our couch Gia promptly brought all of her favorite stuffed animals over and dropped them in her lap. She doesn't share her lovies with just anyone, so I figured how could I go wrong?

The devil-in-law is annoyed again (big shock there, I know). Apparently she is upset once again (after hearing our meeting with the doula...obviously she did some eavesdropping that she shouldn't have). She is mad that we aren't having her watch Gia while I'm in labor. Hmm...can you say (shout at the top of your lungs) CRAZY?! She told us NOT to rely on her. So, when my father in law (a saint for putting up with her all these years) pointed out that it's because she told us not to, she got mad at him and he's currently sleeping elsewhere and in the "doghouse".

Renovations start tomorrow...I think. It was either today or tomorrow and since they aren't here today I'm assuming they'll be here tomorrow to do the demolition part of the project. Hmmm...wonder how nap time will go with all that noise?! They are saying it will only take 4 days...but you know how contractors are, they say 4 days and it can turn into a week and a half (or more, god forbid!).

I keep having contractions off an on...then they go away. It happens at least once a day and I keep hoping that since I didn't feel this with Gia, that it's a good sign that a VBAC might actually be in my future. On one hand a scheduled c-section would be "easier" because we could time it for during the day and give Neil's brother and his fiance some notice so they can be here to watch Gia...and we wouldn't have to worry about her sleep being disturbed at night. On the other hand I would be in the hospital longer and run the risk of developing another infection and nightmare recovery. I still would really prefer a VBAC even knowing that I'm going to be feeling a whole lot of pain in the process.

So much for having a quick update.

Feeling lucky...

2010-01-10T18:56:00.001-08:00

I really appreciate all the supportive and kind comments from everyone and all the offers to watch my little girl, I feel lucky to have so many caring blog friends. You also provided me with a lot of great ideas, we are currently looking into hiring a doula. I've contacted a few through email and am waiting to hear back...I'm really hoping it's not too late into the pregnancy to hire one. We have also asked Neil's brother and his girlfriend to watch Gia while in labor and as I get closer to the actual delivery of our little man I will call Neil and have him come to the hospital. We live about 10 minutes from the hospital so I'm hoping that is enough notice to get my husband there on time. While I love Neil's brother and his girlfriend, it's not necessarily ideal because Andrew will be unable to refuse his parents access to my daughters bedroom at night when she is sleeping (he has said as much and I don't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation). One of my fears is that they (Neil's parents) will wake her up in the middle of the night as they did their own sons, and play with her long enough to throw off her entire sleep schedule. In the whole scheme of things one night of disrupted sleep isn't that big of a deal but at the same time I don't want to come home with a newborn and have to get Gia back on her sleep schedule while needing to get as much sleep as I can of my own. Neil has decided to build a wall up that will enclose our apartment so his mother cannot surprise attack me again. Right now for her to get from her apartment to the ground floor (where she spends most of her day) she has to walk directly through our apartment. On days where she is off her rocker I have to stay locked up in the bedroom with Gia, or Neil takes off from work out of concern for my safety. This has been going on the entire 6+ years that I have been living here so I know this cycle of hers isn't going to end anytime soon and I just can't live like this anymore. We find out tomorrow how much the renovation will cost (an expense we really don't need right now) and how soon they can begin working. I don't know if I should have them do it asap, or wait to schedule during the time my husband will be home (for four weeks) after the birth of our son. My gut is telling me to get it done as soon as they can fit us in, I'm just really tired of not feeling safe in my own home.

The devil-in-law

2010-01-06T18:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, was a day from hell, or rather IN hell. I must be in hell because that's where the devil-in-law lives...and I have to live in the same residence with her because while I love NY, it's ridiculously expensive to live here.

Some of you may know a little history of me and my MIL (hence forth now known of as devil-in-law). I've bent over backwards to please this woman...I'm a people pleaser by nature. I like to make people happy, I like to make a positive difference in someone else's life rather than negative. Before I had Gia and had all this time to myself, I would bake cookies for my husband, his father, and his brother to bring into the people at their jobs for the holidays. As my devil-in-law would watch me from her recliner as I baked she would bitch about the fact that her (I don't know how Neil's became hers, but she lives in this magical world called "the world revolves around ME") money was being spent to make cookies for in her words... (insert derogatory word for any and all ethnicity's, including the N word, which I HATE). She lifted not one finger to help or reach into her wallet mind you, but somehow she took offense that I was doing something nice for these people that they all worked with. The day that my neighbor came home from the hospital with her newborn daughter after having a c-section I made three trays of lasagna for her to feed her and her family just knowing the last thing she'd want to be doing is cooking. The oh so wise devil-in-law bitched and moaned (yes, once again from her recliner) about how I better not expect this neighbor to do the same for me in two months time when I gave birth to Gia and that she (again, lifted not a finger in the making of this meal) is always doing things for other people and nobody does anything for her in return...maybe because you actually DON'T do shit for other people in actuality and you're just a nasty and miserable person which is also why you no longer have any friends. She doesn't get the concept that I did this meal because it made me feel good...I wanted NOTHING in return from my neighbor other than knowing that she had that first night to just relax with her new baby. But, bet your ass this same woman who bitched about me making this meal got up and put an apron on to help us carry the three trays over to the neighbor, thus making it LOOK as though she helped me. And technically she did help carry the tray up but only because she was nosey and wanted an excuse to see the neighbors new baby. The first 5 years that I lived here I made large, elaborate, several course, Italian meals for dinner while she (you got it) sat on her ass in the recliner telling her family that she had to get off the phone to go make dinner. I also did just about all the cleaning in the house. I did two floors and she was limited to the one floor that her, her husband and other son lived on. And even then I would wash that bathroom from top to bottom, make her bed as well as my brother in laws.

So, now that my daughter is here we moved from the small attic area to our own apartment in the house I only clean that. She also has to do the cooking for her and her husband while I just cook for Neil, Gia and I. I've made a lot of sacrifices since moving here to please my husband and his family but now that I have had my dream come true of having my own child I'm no longer willing to make sacrifices where my time with her is concerned.

Last night I was sitting at the dining room table talking to Neil when she storms up into our apartment and gets right in my face yelling at the top of her lungs that she has privileges as Gia's grandmother and that we keep her from her etc. From out of nowhere! I should also mention she is mentally unstable...although at this point in the story you may have figured that out already. She thinks that seeing Gia for a total of at least 9 hours a week (I added it up) is not enough and that she is entitled to more. Quite honestly that is more than a lot of grandparents get to see their grandchildren. Not only that but she used to have even more time with Gia but she is so nasty to me all the time that I've backed off spending time around her in hopes of escaping her wrath. The summer that Gia was born I would go walking with her and the devil-in-law at least once or twice a week, not because I wanted to, but because I know it was what the devil-in-law wanted. Every single time she would make a dig about not getting to see Gia or complain that Gia gets too many naps and hours or sleep a night, that we should keep a 6 month old up until 10 or 11 pm so they could have extra time with her. Mmm hmmm, super rational woman here.

Neil had to pull her out of my face and corral her out of our apartment last night, all the while she was screaming and yelling. My heart was racing a mile a minute and felt as though it was going to pound right out of my chest. I'm not trying to paint myself the saint because there are always two sides to every story, but I'm feeling a little fed up at this point. This woman thinks that the sun rises and sets on her, I don't, which means there are going to be a lot of problems between the two of us. Unless I'm kissing her ass, she's always going to have it in for me. Neil is constantly afraid of what she will do to me as he has grown up watching her physically harm his father. One time he needed stitches from the time she threw a glass ashtray at his head. She is off her rocker and wonders why we don't ever let her watch Gia by herself. This is a woman whose sole addition to my almost two year old's vocabulary are the words "stupid" and "kill". Yep, two super-de-freakin-duper words that I am just THRILLED that my daughter knows. She calls people stupid all the time and I absolutely hate when people call other people names, it's unacceptable to me. I'm not going to raise Gia to lie like the devil-in-law, I don't want her to call people names like her grandmother does, I don't want her to live life constantly looking out for what other people can do for her, rather than her making a positive contribution to society.

So, after this latest blow up we realize that I will be in labor by myself the entire time. Neil will have to be at home to care for Gia as we can no longer rely on her (not that I wanted to in the first place, but have no other options). I'm a bit worried to be alone the whole time, but at least it's not the first time going through the whole delivery thing. And, I'm a strong person, I CAN do this all alone. I haven't made any close friends since moving to NY, at least the one person I am friendly with and could essentially ask, is caring for her father who is in stage four lung cancer. My mother, who would drop everything for me normally, is caring for my step father who is paralyzed from the waist down from the thyroid cancer he is dealing with. She is a 60 year old woman who is lifting a 200 lb man in and out of bed to his wheelchair every day. She can't come to NY to help me...all my friends back home have children and lives of their own so there is no way I would ever ask something like this of them. I guess that I should really expect nothing less from a woman who told her son that when he wanted to commit suicide over an ended relationship, to go ahead and kill himself. But it makes me sad. I really did make an effort to please her, to do the right thing all the time. Unless I hand over my daughter to her she will never be happy. Because, while she says Gia is her dream come true, she is also my dream come true, one where I struggled to even become pregnant with her in the first place.

And what breaks my heart just a little bit, is the fact that my daughter adores this woman who has done and said so many awful things to me. On the other hand I'm glad that Gia doesn't have to suffer this woman's tantrums. It just hurts that with Gia's pure little heart she loves this evil, evil woman.

I just wish that life had easy answers at least some of the time.

35 weeks & desperate for week 40!

2010-01-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

I'm officially (is there such a thing as unofficially pregnant?) 35 weeks pregnant and this may be the last picture I'll allow to be taken of myself. I feel big as a house. So far I've only gained 19lbs but it feels more like 30+. Sleep...what's that? I'm thinking about setting up an air mattress in the bathroom and maybe I'll have an extra 20 minutes of sleep a night by cutting out all the walking back and forth. I've been having major Braxton Hicks contractions, which I didn't have at all with Gia. I'd like to slap the person who wrote in numerous places online & in the pregnancy books that says you don't feel them (has to have been a man who wrote that). I ordered a gazillion nursing bra's and have yet to wash them (I hate hand washing!) so they'll be ready...I keep waiting for another "nesting" urge to kick in so I can get them done. We finally picked up the bassinet tonight...when it will get put together is another story, since I'm the one most likely to be doing that job. This week I'm set up for a non stress test, anyone whose had one before, feel free to clue me in on what exactly that is...all I know is that I have to have one done weekly now. All complaining aside, I'm excited to see & hold the baby (still calling him "the baby"). And unlike the last pregnancy, I'm SO ready for it to be over already!

Button, button, button, I have a button!!!

2009-12-31T06:28:00.001-08:00

Thanks to my awesome bloggy buddy Brandy (read her blog, you won't stop laughing & will never get enough of seeing her cutest ever, little boy!) I now have a button! I would have never been able to figure that out on my own. Thanks Brandy! I will now proceed to do the happy dance (picture snoopy here...it's better than the reality of me jumping around like a fool). Oh yeah, so if you want...grab my button! Oh and if you have one too let me know and I will add yours on to my sidebar. Commencing happy dance again!

Merry belated Christmas!!

2009-12-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

These first few pictures were taken to use on the Christmas card.

She was way more interested in her shoes though (a girl after my own heart!).

Then the shiny ornaments caught her eye.

Still fascinated by the lights and ornaments.

Having pictures taken is hard work, time for a nap!

A Christmas snuggle with Daddy.

Seeing all the presents for the first time...she danced back and forth not knowing what to do...and kept saying "open presents!" (Technically I guess she DID know what to do, just not where to start first).

But finally made her first choice.

She loved her big puppy!

A Christmas kiss later that day for Uncle Andrew...sometimes she's able to say Andrew, other times it just comes out as "Ant". :)

Gia with her godparents, Uncle Andrew & Auntie Sharmila.

This Christmas was so much more fun than the first one. The night before, we had her set out cookies and juice for Santa (the Santa that stops at our house doesn't like milk). Then when she came out the next morning and saw the presents she got SO excited. Last year I had to open her presents for her, this year she ripped right in with the enthusiasm expected of a little kid...so much fun for all of us to watch. I hope everyone had as magical a Christmas as our little girl did!

Letting go...

2009-12-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

With the immanent hospital stay to give birth to our son I'm finding myself filled with anxiety and concern about....

LEAVING GIA WITH DADDY!

Yes, I know she will survive, that Neil will survive and I will deal with the fact that things won't go the way they do when Mommy is there to take care of Gia. I also know it will be a wonderful bonding experience for the both of them, one that I'm pleased that they will get to have.

On the other hand he doesn't know that she hates when the butter on her cinnamon raisin toast doesn't melt all the way into the bread...that if you don't put the butter (technically country crock) on as soon as the toast comes out of the toaster it WON'T melt in and she will fling the offending toast from her tray. Will my daughter starve? No. Will things be a bit rocky while I'm gone? Maybe.

There is no way for Neil to know these things about Gia that I do unless he spends all day every day with her. Not that he doesn't know her, but he doesn't get a lot of her idiosyncrasies. He thinks that if he cajoles (seriously, who uses that word?) or does silly things, or gives her toys when she is in the middle of a diaper changing "tantrum" that he can miraculously make her tears stop. I, on the other hand (through experience) have learned the quickest way for her to calm down is to just quietly let her get it out and she will soothe herself by sucking her thumb. The more theatrics he does, the more the crying escalates, and the longer it lasts. He doesn't know that she hates that certain pair of feetie pajamas, he doesn't even know her nap time and he's there for it two days out of every week! He doesn't know her favorite books to read before bed (somehow my reading puts him to sleep and he's snoring on the bed beside us as I read to Gia every night).

We all will survive this time that mommy is away from home running the "fort"...but I'll still worry. I've been the basic sole care taker of Gia since the day she was born. Often getting only small stretches of sleep in the beginning during early breast feeding. She slept with me the first three months, it's mommy who runs to her when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night (he sleeps right through it), it's mommy who does the silly voices that make her laugh, who sings with her, who does the booty dance (don't ask...seriously) to keep her entertained while making dinner as G sits in her highchair. So while I know we'll all survive, it won't be the norm. And, I'm worried about how she will handle the first time mommy is away. I need to let go of how things normally go and remind myself that everything will be fine, she may get into bed later than usual, she may have to do different things during the day than she is used to and she will most definitely go without a bath until I get home (Daddy couldn't handle the run through bath we tried one night) but everything will be OK. My new mantra "everything will be OK".

mushy, emotional, pregnancy hormones induced rambling

2009-12-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

I love this little girl beyond what I ever thought was possible. I hoped for, dreamed of, having my own child one day. It took a year and a half to conceive her, during which time I wondered if it would ever happen, if I was even capable of becoming pregnant. The whole pregnancy was beautiful, hours were spent daydreaming about what she would look like, what she would be like and what the future would hold. Life, she, has exceeded all expectations. What I dreamed of never even came close to the reality of what my life is like with this precious little girl that I am lucky enough to call my daughter. While I am excited about the impending birth of my son I'm also feeling a bit sad that my solo time with Giovanna is coming to an end. Things will change and I'm sure it will be for the better. Our family will grow, my heart will expand to find more room to love another child and life will feel more whole than now even though it's hard to imagine right now. It has been just Gia and I during the day for the past (almost) two years, there is an easy rhythm, a routine, it's comfortable. I worry about what kind of mother I will be once I have the demands and stress of caring for two children. I want to still be that mother who has (almost) limitless patience, who has the time to sit down on the floor and play with Gia like I can now. I don't want to become too busy to stop what I'm doing to do what is really important in life, to soak up every moment with my children because time with them is something I'll never get back. I hope that this new beginning will change me for the better and that I can become an even better mother to Gia than before. I hope that fatigue and extra demands on my time and attention will not cause me to be short tempered. I hope that she will always feel like she is loved by me, that I will always be there for her. I hope that she does not worry about her importance in our family circle once her brother has entered her world. I hope that eventually Lorenzo will be her playmate, her co-conspirator, her confidant. That my children will become close and always be there for one another after Neil and I have left this world. I hope for only the best and for a life filled with more highs than lows for these two children that hold my heart in their hands.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2009-12-15T09:39:00.001-08:00

So yeah, it's been a while and who knows, I may not get around to another RTT session until well after the baby is born.

I keep calling the baby "the baby" because I'm still having a hard time calling him Lorenzo. Some of you may remember me writing about agreeing to name our first born son after my father in law (some stupid Italian tradition of theirs) while I was still in puppy love (lust) with the hubs. Thankfully Neil has made the concession to name him Lorenzo (the Italian version) rather than Lawrence (Larry...eh, need I say more?) which is a bit easier for me to deal with...but only slightly. Lorenzo certainly wouldn't be my first choice...it's not horrible, but not a name I would have ever chosen for my child.

Gia said "I love Mama" for the first time this week...all on her own. Seriously, the BEST Christmas gift ever (I'm counting it as one even though it was a few weeks before).

Clutter follows me around like dirt to Pig Pen. I clean off the computer desk and two days later it's back like it never left. I think it's the biggest pet peeve my husband has about my "issues".

I called myself a bad mommy the other day because I was so tired I threw on Sesame Street, plunked the princess down on the bed with me to lay down and be lazy. I've really been trying to limit tv as much as possible but I'm getting so tired in the last two months of this pregnancy and the Sesame Street gods allow me to doze a little, while G watches tv. Hubby made me feel better by being his sarcastic self and saying "yeah, you are the WORST mother ever...you made G watch some tv while cuddling when there are all these other mothers who neglect, beat and abuse their children...you are a terrible mom, uh huh". So yeah, guess it could be a lot worse huh?

We had another specialist appointment last week to check the baby's kidneys (will find out the results at tonight's visit with my regular OB) and they do a little 3D ultrasound every time. We came back and showed the pictures to Neil's mother who asked "what color is his hair?" Hmmm...really?!

My potty mouth is coming back to bite me on the a**. One of G's new words..."sh*t"...something to be proud of huh?

Bally's keeps sending me emails to renew my membership. I feel like sending them a picture with "Ha, Ha, Ha!" written all over it. Think they'd get the hint then?

And that's it ppl! Head on over to Keely's to join in, if you don't you'll have bad luck for 3 minutes, and nobody wants bad luck!

32 weeks!

2009-12-09T11:23:00.001-08:00

I'm now 32 weeks along and have been having this feeling that little Lorenzo is going to arrive earlier than predicted...not sure why I'm thinking that either. Probably what WILL happen is he'll be weeks late whereas his sister was 10 days early.

The websites say that at this time his kicks/movements should become less pronounced...liars! I'm signing him up for soccer his first day out of the womb! But, I am glad that he's healthy and thriving in there. My bladder on the other hand is not so happy.

Gia is talking up a storm lately. It's too funny because she announces what she is doing as she's doing it, or right before she does it. After she laughs she'll say "Gia laugh". Or she'll say "sit" as she makes her favorite puppy sit on the floor. She is stringing quite a few words together at one time now too. She makes me laugh all the time...and then there are moments when she makes me want to pull my hair out from frustration too. Neil thinks she's a little OCD (just because he's this big old psychologist and all) but the mommy degree that I hold is driving my instincts to think she's just being a typical toddler. She likes things JUST so lately. She likes to take a baby wipe and "clean" the bedroom. The wipe has to be laid across her hand flat and all spread out just right for her to clean with. And of course it doesn't stay that way for very long so she starts crying and saying "no like, no like" and crumples it into a ball before throwing it. So yeah, major highs and major lows when living with/raising a toddler/tyrant. I love her to death and really wouldn't want any other job but sometimes, I just want to crawl under the covers and wait out the latest "issue" she's having.

So many people have gotten snow lately...we've had none and I feel like pitching my own tantrum! Back in NH (where I used to live) they've had snow. Really, it's just that first real big snowfall that is like magic...then it gets dirty, turns brown and becomes a major nuisance so I don't know what I'm complaining about.

I feel like I'm turning into Nigel from Frasier. I'm freakishly worried about germs and Gia or I getting sick. We all received the H1N1 vaccine so that's one less worry. Before having Gia I never even thought about germs and "them" getting into my system. And, I know kids get sick, that everyone does, it's just one of those annoying facts. I'm just hoping to get through the next two months or so without catching anything (unlikely, I know).

Fat eyeballs & other stuff

2009-11-24T11:49:00.001-08:00

Between Christmas present "projects", running around after Gia, being completely exhausted from this pregnancy and keeping up with everything else around the house I have had no time to blog...and I miss it...and stalking all my bloggy buddies.

After 5 weeks (what can I say, I'm a procrastinator) of dealing with whatever this weird eye problem is that I thought was pink eye I finally gave in (kicking & screaming) and made an appointment to see an ophthamologist. Come to find out, not only is my whole body fat but my eye is too! It's not bad enough that I feel hugely pregnant and ungainly I'm told that I have some inflamed fatty tissue in my eye that can't be treated because I'm pregnant. It's not every day that a person finds out they have fat eyeballs. And, who knows when this inflammation will go away!

I finally got my H1N1 shot a week ago. Gia got hers this past Friday and Neil got his last night. What a struggle to make the decision on whether or not to get it. With me, we finally decided the risk of not getting it was more than if I didn't get it. But with Gia it was a lot tougher to decide. She is our whole world, the reason we breath...how do you make a decision like that not knowing the consequences of giving her a new vaccine...or risking her health by not giving it to her? None of us had any side effects besides fatigue so I'm hoping we're out of the woods.

Neil bought me a new digital camera this past weekend. It's for my birthday, anniversary and Christmas. He got me a Canon EOS 50D which is an SLR. It was between that or the Nikon D90. The Canon was only $300 more and it shot more frames per second and was 15 MP versus the 12 that the D90 has, so we went with that. I'm glad because my last camera was a Canon so it's easier for me to get used to this new one. It's pretty heavy compared to my other one so I feel like I need to start lifting weights just to be able to lift it up. I looooooove it though! Can't wait to take more pictures of my whirlwind daughter and use it for pictures of our new son once he's born.

This past weekend we had an echo done on the baby's heart. I'm so glad the ultrasound tech didn't make us wait to hear the results from our doctor, she said his heart is fine, huge relief! I know they are trying to keep on top of things because I'm over 35 but all these extra tests have Neil and I worrying way more than we did with Gia. With this test over I think I can finally breathe again. I think it was the last of the "scary" tests to be done. Now it's just a matter of waiting until he's ready to come meet us all.

Trick or Treat

2009-11-04T18:05:00.001-08:00

Gia started trick or treating out a little unsure of the whole thing but....

then she got some candy & thought it can't be such a bad thing if people are giving you candy
bringing her "loot" home

Daddy even dressed up to be a 50's tough guy to match her costume which she thought was pretty funny!

Sharing her candy with mommy...

mommy (w/huge belly) & her princess

Pooptastrophe

2009-10-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

Don't you just "love" when your giving your wee little one a bath to get them all squeaky clean and smelling beautiful but they decide the bathtub is their new potty? Gia was in the bath the other night, everything was going well, there was playing, squealing, laughing...then tears and little brown floaters. Choas in seconds! I managed to keep her contained to one small square of towel on the bathroom floor while Neil washed and then used the Clorox everywhere spray to decontaminate the bathtub. Gia cried off an on (off when she would grab something she shouldn't have and be excited about that...then on again when I would take it away). I just hate pooptastrophes! Thank god they don't happen often!

Gia is saying so many new words lately which is exciting...huge mom fail that a lot of them are related to television shows. She watches Little Einsteins so she can now say "rocket". She says "op" for stop when someone is doing something she doesn't like. She says "Ahhhh-beee" for Abby from Sesame Street. She says "punkee" for pumpkin. She can say pretzel pretty clearly. Out of the blue the other day she picked up a block with the number four on it and said "four". Little genius she may not be but she manages to amaze me on a regular basis.

I hate tech support! I was on the phone four different times yesterday and once today to get the issue with our new HD DVR receiver fixed only to find out they need to send us a new one! If they know what the problem is early on why does it take an extra three phone calls to finally get them to do the right thing? The worst part is that there had just been a technician in my house that morning to fix another issue with the connection from the dish to the receiver...and we ended up with yet another problem.

I've been nesting like crazy...not sure it's technically nesting when it's this early but I'm cleaning and organizing every moment that I have energy. Sometimes I hate being the "man" around the house and having to do all the womanly stuff on top of that (cooking/cleaning etc.). The screw on the curtain rod has been coming loose for some time now (around five months it's been that way) so I finally dragged the big step ladder in the room and fixed that. Then hubby gets annoyed that I'm climbing ladders while pregnant...hmmm...so fix the darn thing before I get fed up with waiting! I have all the baby's clothes in the dresser and one day soon I'll get them all washed and put back away. Technically most of them are clean, they were washed before being stored away but I want to wash them again...because I'm anal (<---can you imagine the google searches that will lead people here because of that word?) like that. I emptied out a bunch of crap from the computer desk to make room for future crap. We had our bedroom tv mounted on the wall last week and the living room tv will be mounted this week. Gia has been way too attracted to touching them and nightmares of them falling on her precious little head have been haunting me to get this done. I received my Maya sling/wrap in the mail a few weeks ago and now I just have to get the nursing cover up and a bunch of new nursing bra's in the next few months.

Has anyone else out there gotten the H1N1 shot yet? It's still not available here (only the mist in certain places) and the media is driving me insane with worry over all the pregnant women who have died once they contracted the swine flu. I just want to get it so I can worry a little less...of course then I'll worry about it being in my system. I'm just a worrier by nature....guess that's why I love Eeyore and can relate to him so well.

Baby is doing well, been kicking the crap outta me lately though! Most of the time it's nice to feel that little connection to him, other times it hurts like hell! Bladders are not trampolines!

RTT & pink eye...such fun!

2009-10-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Click above to join in the chaotic ramblings that are Random Tuesday Thoughts!

My favorite word is seriously....seriously! I must say it a few hundred times a day...usually dripping with sarcasm. For example...(said to hubby, of course) "you didn't notice the trash bag had a huge gaping hole in it as you dragged it out to the trash can, leaving a trail of weird goo all over the floor that I need to now clean up...seriously?!"

I can't get that stupid "Sit Uboo, sit...good dog!" commercial out of my head and I haven't seen it in the longest time! I'm not sure if that was a nationwide thing or a New England television thing so I may sound completely insane right about now. Yeah, you don't have to tell me, I sound insane most of the time anyway...no help needed in that department.

So, I have pink eye...seriously! So freakin' annoying...and so freakin' contagious that my daughter will probably end up with it too no matter how OCD I am about washing my hands and NOT touching my eye. I woke up with my eye all crusty (nice visual, I know) which made me look in the mirror...at my lovely bloodshot eye. So yeah, just fabulous...the perfect ending of this miserable cold that Gia and I have had for over a week.

I'm going for my flu shot tonight and I'm not excited about it. Perfect timing for the doctor to check out my lovely eye business though. Usually a nurse gives me the shot but when hubby told them I was pregnant as he made the appointment they put him on hold and came back to say that my doctor wanted to see me. Hmmm...got me thinking...why? She usually doesn't want to touch me with a ten foot pole when I'm pregnant and refers me back to my OB for everything health related. I'm also going to get the H1N1 shot when that comes out. I spend way too much time searching things on the internet that scare the hell out of me and all it took was the info that pregnant woman are at higher risk for death if they contract the H1N1 flu to convince me to take the shot. But....it's not out yet...hopefully soon.

At the last ultrasound with the specialist they found fluid in the baby's kidney. I have to go back every four weeks now for them to keep an eye on it...but the doctor said not to worry about it. He said nothing else! Hmmm...tell a worrier not to worry and provide no other details...yeah, not such a good idea. I have found out from other people that it normally corrects itself either before or shortly after birth. Also, if surgery is needed after birth, it's a fairly simple procedure.

I had my glucose test done last Saturday...thrills and more thrills. That drink...nasty! Too bad they couldn't just give you a bunch of your favorite candy bars and call it good. That would have been so much more pleasant than that awful orange drink. And lately everything Neil and I eat or drink has the appeal of something sparkly and shiny to Gia who immediately wants a taste. Saying no over and over didn't go so well.

Well, that's all I got. Head on over to Keely's and leave some love and join in!

I fought the good fight but the toddler won

2009-10-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

I knew it was coming, I knew I couldn't avoid it but I was hoping that my daughter was one of the few truly angelic little ones out there who would completely bypass those "terrible two's". I was wrong...so very wrong! That's the thing about parenting, you think you've finally got it all figured out and then they enter a whole new stage and it's like you are Christoper Columbus, back to exploring uncharted territory. There was one day that all morning long I was two steps behind her saying "no, don't touch that"...."mommy said no"...."no, boo boo's, you'll get hurt". She actually had me in tears and on the phone with Neil asking "what do I do?!" I saw little inklings that this was on it's way but I was wholly unprepared for it. Every consequence I give her seems not to faze her one bit. I try not to have the tv on very often but when it is then I tell her it's going to be turned off if she does (fill in the blank) again. She does it again and off the tv goes. I don't believe in hitting, I was hit as a child and I completely feared my father. My mother on the other hand did not hit and her discipline felt worse sometimes because I would get the long talk...the smack from Dad was so much quicker and I was off to play again. So, HELP! Suggestions and advice are welcomed (begged for!). I've heard of this naughty spot thing that the Super Nanny does but I don't know if Gia is old enough to start doing that. The last two days she's been pretty good (fingers crossed) so I don't know if she was feeling particularly feisty that one day or if she wasn't feeling well. I don't want my kids to be brats so I'm trying to figure out what will work here. I plan on researching the hell out of toddler discipline books on Barnes N Nobles later today, maybe they sell some courage somewhere on there too!

walking vaccine

2009-10-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

Little Miss ended up with her first ear infection. We are actually wondering if it's her second and the first one just didn't get diagnosed because she's acting the same this time as the last time she was sick. Wednesday night she was up 5 times through the night and I got about 3 hours sleep off an on. Thursday she cried so much and there was nothing I could do to soothe her so I called Neil and he came home so we could take her to the doctors. She has this thing where she cries so hard she throws up, which she did about three different times at the doctors office. It just sucks because the first hour we were there she was actually doing pretty good, eating some gerber puffs and drinking water. An hour after the time she should have been napping she lost it and cried non stop for the next hour, vomiting in between. I finally asked if they could just put us in a room so she wouldn't be throwing up all over the place...seems ridiculous that I had to ask doesn't it? Thursday night after only having a short half hour nap (she usually gets 3 hours midday) in the car she started crying & crying and wouldn't stop. I don't know why my instinct didn't kick in sooner, all I can figure is my lack of sleep also erased my mommy skills. I finally realized I should just skip the bedtime routine, shut everything off and bring her into bed with me. I had her cradled in my arms and was still trying to get myself in a comfortable position when I realized she'd already fallen asleep. It was a mere few seconds from the time her head was on my arm that she was out cold. She slept most of the night with me and that tiny little girl laid horizontal in a king sized bed while I was squished all the way to the edge praying I wouldn't fall off. I had pillows all propped up around the perimeter because she moves a lot in her crib and it's been a while since she slept with me. I didn't even need to worry because I was hyper aware of every movement she made. Last night she was back in her crib and woke only once. She's had two doses of antibiotic and seems to be feeling better besides the cough and stuffy nose. I hate when she gets sick, she looks and sounds so miserable and there's nothing I can do about it. She does sound very cute with a stuffed up nose though, "mama" ends up sounding like "baba". I've already come down with her cold and I'm so annoyed that Neil hasn't. I know it sounds cruel but it's maddening that every single time Gia gets sick so do I. Neil on the other hand never catches anything! Gia and I are in the house most of the week while he's on the bus to and from work, he works in a large clinic and he doesn't get sick! What gives? He's like one big walking vaccine to everything.

No words....

2009-10-04T05:52:00.000-07:00

Thursday night Neil & I found out that my (soon to be) sister in law's best friend found their child strangled by the cord to the air conditioner. The little girl was only a year old. The mother put Ava down for a nap and the air conditioner cord was taped up but somehow the baby found a way to get a hold of it. I don't know this woman first hand, only through the things Sharmila (sister in law) has said about her, her husband and little girl. I think it's every parents nightmare to lose a child and my heart goes out to this family. Sharmila said the mother has been smelling the little girl's blanket/clothing, just walking from room to room not knowing what to do with herself and Sharmila said she didn't know what to say to Ava's parents, that there was nothing she could say to make them feel better. When I think of this tragedy it really hits home now that I'm a parent, I keep thinking about what if it were Gia and every time I think about that I can't breathe. How does someone keep going after something like that happens? If there were another child she would be forced to carry on doing the usual things but she only had Ava. I just pray that this family is able to find the strength from somewhere to cope through this, that someday, however long, down the road, they are able to smile and see the sun again. I have always cherished my time with Gia but the last few days since hearing this news I feel even more thankful for every second I have with her, for each and every smile and laugh of hers. It's also caused us to look at her room even more carefully than before trying to find anything that could be a hazard that we might not have thought of before. We didn't see anything but it's scary because apparently Ava's mother didn't either, and thought her daughter was safe as well. All I know is that it's hearing things like this tragedy that make me feel so blessed and lucky for my family's health.

An awesome couch, a bowling ball sitting on my bladder and an affair...

2009-10-01T15:17:00.000-07:00

I love Fall. I love the crisp air and the way the breeze rustles the leaves down the sidewalk. But, I have to say Fall in Brooklyn just isn't the same as back home. There was a smell to it there. I don't know what it was but it was definitely better than the smell of trash. The leaves here don't change to those vivid orange, yellow and red colors that they do back in New Hampshire. And while all the slow driving leaf peepers could be annoying at that time everything else about Fall made up for it. I miss home!

Does anyone say "awesome" or "cool" anymore? I'm feeling old. Maybe because I kind of am. At least when I was younger and would look at my Aunts and Uncles when they were the age I am now I used to think they were SO old. And here I am feeling SO old. I'm wondering if "awesome" is now like "man alive" from my mother's youth. I feel silly saying the new slang. I feel like I sound like one of those aging people who wants to sound cool but really sounds like an idiot who is trying to sound young when they aren't...ya know what I mean? Like, "chillaxing". I just feel ridiculous saying that. I guess it had to happen one day, I might as well start saying "swell" and tell myself that with age comes wisdom as some way of making myself feel better. Somehow I don't think that's gonna work.

We have a new couch (<--click to see) being delivered on Saturday, only there's supposed to be a thunderstorm all day. We tried to have this same couch delivered last weekend from a different store but they couldn't fit it through our stupidly small 28 inch doorway so we had to send it back. We found another store that has people who take these things apart and once they get it in your house they put it back together so we are taking a chance and doing that. I'm a little nervous but it was the second furniture store we'd gone to that said they do that quite often here where doorways & hallways are freakishly small. I just prefer not to have a soggy dripping wet new sofa...hopefully they wrap it in some kind of plastic first. Neil's calling Saturday to check what they do in situations like this. I figure in a place like NYC where nothing stops for anything or anyone they must have a way around this so business carries on as usual. I hope so because I'm getting really sick of sitting on an ottoman as I watch tv.

I don't know what it is about this second pregnancy but I feel like I have this huge, heavy bowling ball in my uterus instead of a 10 ounce baby! Is it because my stomach muscles are all stretched out from the first? I just keep thinking I've got another 19 weeks to go where the baby is only going to get heavier and heavier...and I'm uncomfortable now?!

So, my husband asked if I was having an affair. I'm thinking he was joking...mostly. All because I didn't text him during the day like usual. I just got busy with Gia and kind of forgot. I don't know how he thinks that would be possible. Besides the fact that I look like I have a beach ball stuffed under my shirt, I also live in a house with his whole family where it's not possible to sneak anything even if I wanted to, and I am the sole care taker of our daughter during the day. So yeah, with all my spare time I've got a boyfriend on the side. I guess I should really be flattered that he thinks I'm still attractive enough with a huge belly and a face covered by pregnancy induced acne to attract another man. I about fell on the floor from laughing so hard, I would have if I hadn't thought about how the heck I would manage to get myself back up without rolling around like a beetle on it's back with legs flailing. Men, gotta love them! We do have to right?

"No, No!"

2009-09-28T18:45:00.000-07:00

It has to happen eventually. It happens to the best of us. It happens no matter how we wish it wouldn't or how strongly we convince ourselves that it won't. My daughter's favorite word/phrase is now "no, no!". And yes, that exclamation point has to be there because it is always said quite passionately. "Gia time to go eat breakfast" "no, no!". "Gia, time to change your diaper" "no, no!". "Gia, time to read books" (only before bedtime, otherwise she LOVES reading books) "no, no!". I have to admit sometimes it's cute, actually her saying it is cute, but when it's followed with crying or whining when I follow through with whatever it is she doesn't want to do, it becomes not cute. I have this thing I do with her that I used to use on my ADHD/oppositional defiant nephew when he lived with me years ago...and amazingly it works. I give a count of 5 and when I get to 5 she has to come do whatever it is I need her to do. It works for now. I know my days are limited so I'm appreciating every moment that it does work. She can run around, play, or whatever (typically she "hides" by closing her eyes tight and putting her hands over them thinking I can't see her...too cute!) until I say five. Half the time she will come right to me, the other half I make a game out of chasing her so that when she is getting her diaper changed she doesn't even protest. If I don't do the count to five she is a whining, crying, bucking, wiggle worm as I try to change her. I think the beginning of the "terrible two's" is quickly on it's way. Just in time to have a newborn in the house, fabulous!

Random Tuesday Thoughts...woot woot!

2009-09-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

Is it sad that I'm so excited about all the fall shows starting up? I don't even have time to watch them all, they just sit in the DVR and fill up what available space I have. But when I do get to watch them it's like a mini mental vacation.

How come I can't keep my mouth from making an "o" shape every time I put mascara on? I feel like an idiot and make sure the door is always shut when I'm putting it on.

When we went back home to see my Mom and stayed in the hotel instead of a "do not disturb" sign they had one that said "NO" on it. I felt so rude every time I put that on the door while Gia was napping. On the other hand, it was effective and I suppose that's all that matters.

I would love to know why every time I walk into a store all the lines are empty when I first get there but then are backed up the aisles when I'm ready to check out.

I really wish my husband knew how to cook...or at least had the desire to learn how to. I get so bored with everything I make and I'm just too tired and way too lazy right now to dig through the cook books for something new.

Are Ernie & Bert from Sesame Street gay? It's fine if they are but shouldn't they "come out" already?

While on vacation instead of taking the super sized shampoo & conditioner bottles I filled up some old small shampoo bottles that I'd saved for this occasion. One I filled with shampoo and the other with conditioner. Near the end of the week away Neil came to me wanting to know if both were shampoo and since he didn't know he'd been alternating all week. Basically every other day he'd been "washing" with conditioner. Men=clueless!

Ever since we realized Gia understood what we were saying I took to spelling certain words out so only Neil would understand...only I'm such a terrible speller that he often looks at me and says "what?!" So not only does Gia not understand me but neither does Neil. Not very effective. I need to download an internal spell check to my brain.

Every time I have a craving my mother in law panics and screams at me not to touch my stomach when I have one. Some crazy Italian superstition that if I do the baby will come out "marked". I'm so glad I'm not superstitious...knock on wood.

Random people can just STOP.RUBBING.MY.STOMACH already! Seriously! Just because I have a baby in there doesn't mean it's a free for all to rub me.

I look at the first time pregnant mom's and kind of laugh on the inside while thinking "I'd wipe that serene smile off your face because you have NO idea what you're in for!" I've been there once before so I know that it's not all rainbows & kittens...you stupidly think you can handle anything that a tiny little being can throw your way only to find out you know next to nothing. Oh yeah, and it brings lots of joy too.

I've really missed Random Tuesdays!! To join in head on over to Keely's and sign up.

What's new

2009-09-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

Costume we picked for this year's trick or treating.

Giovanna:

I finally got Little Miss to drink milk out of a sippy cup in the morning rather than the bottle. Somehow this accomplishment seems greater than a lot of other things I've done in my life. She resisted for about a week but eventually got used to it, so she's back to drinking 16 oz of milk a day.

She's teething her eye teeth which the pediatrician said are typically more painful than molars...which has caused for some pretty rough mornings with her. Again the angel that is my daughter has occasionally been replaced by this naughty little thing. She had her first "time out" which she cried through the entire 3 minutes like somebody was pulling her fingernails out one by one. We have that annoying letter puzzle foam mat on the floor to prevent her from banging that precious head of hers too hard on the wood floors but she loves to pull out every single letter and pull up every square of it...not so fun for me to put back together. So I told her the next time she does it I'm shutting Sesame Street off. I guess she wanted to see if I was serious so she immediately pulled out another letter, so off the tv went. Instant tears which was hard to listen to but it was definitely effective because today when she went to do the same thing and I told her the tv would go off so she stopped and didn't do it again.

Pregnancy:

This Sunday marks 20 weeks (half way...woo hoo!). It's still a boy...at the last sonogram it was established again. It's so like a "man" to want to show off his bits all the time. It wasn't until around 20-23 weeks before Gia was willing to show us that she was in fact a girl. Our little man showed us all at only 16 weeks! The good thing is he is healthy and growing exactly as he should be. All the blood tests for down syndrome (they did two this pregnancy...I guess because I'm of Advanced Maternal Age) as well as neural tube defects came back negative so huge relief there as well. I've also been feeling him moving around which I love. I've also gained 6 pounds total which isn't too bad but it doesn't look good if I keep gaining 2lbs every three weeks until the end.

I just got over a migraine that lasted four days...FOUR days! I was ready to cut my head off and trade with Mick Jagger even...as long as I could get some relief from that pain. The OB said that by about 20 weeks they should stop...three days away and I'm praying that's true because four days is too much.

I'm eating cottage cheese & pineapple like there's no tomorrow. I'm also eating about 1lb of green grapes a day. Neil said he's ready to cut off my supply of them and I replied that I was ready and willing to cut off something of his if he did. Cravings are strong this time around.

Life:

We had our four year anniversary yesterday. I celebrated by dealing with the last miserable day of that migraine, Neil stayed home from work to help take care of Gia while I lay in the fetal position in bed listening to Gia say "mama mama mama" over and over to get me to play with her which made me feel like the worst mommy ever. Neil also ordered food from one of our favorite places (La Casa Bella). I hardly ate any of it but what I did have was delicious. He also had a HUGE bouquet of flowers delivered. He's very romantic. Each year since our wedding he has ordered the same flowers as what was in my wedding bouquet (white roses and blue hydrangea). Gia was still trying to figure out why flowers were IN the house and not outside where she's used to seeing them. She kept pointing to them and saying "flowas".

There is some serious nesting going on and it isn't even close to the end of the pregnancy. Neil brought down the 6 huge plastic storage containers from the attic to go through and give away all of Gia's clothes since we won't be needing them again. We took out the things that could be worn by the new baby and put them aside for later. I was surprised that we filled two containers back up of things he could wear. After a while we had gotten sick of pink/purple so we'd actually bought some green, yellow and beige sleepers for Gia which are perfect for little man to wear.

rambling on

2009-09-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wish that it hadn't had to end? If only your bladder could have held out a little bit longer you wouldn't have woken and it could have gone on a little longer. Being pregnant certainly provides for frequent and vivid dreams, so vivid they feel real, so real that when you wake up you are disoriented and suddenly you are in what feels like a strange place compared to the dream that felt normal. The other night I was having a dream where I was "dating" John Lennon (ok, we were really having amazing dream sex...another side effect of pregnancy dreams). Strange, I know. And while he wasn't the most attractive as a Beetle I think he definitely grew into his looks with age. Or maybe it's that whole lead singer thing he had going for him, who knows...it was a great dream. And I have no idea where it came from. Sometimes I will dream about my ex husband because I will have thought of him briefly before falling asleep, so those dreams make sense and I try very hard not to think about him because I really don't want to relive our marriage in a strange Alice in Wonderland crazy dream if ya know what I mean. So here I sit writing this and listening to...you guessed it (or maybe you didn't) John Lennon. Seriously he was an amazing song writer. I always think the musicians that write their own music and lyrics are the true artists out there. Something about his lyrics and the depth that they had speak to me. I have no idea where I'm going with this so I'll just stop here.

I managed to take a bunch of pictures of Gia today without her demanding to have the camera to herself. I made the mistake one time of letting her sit on my lap and look through the digital images stored on the camera. After that one time she seemed to think of the camera as hers and I hardly got to take any pictures of her without demands to see it.

My birthday and anniversary are coming up soon. My birthday is September 11th...yeah I know...kind of sucks. Our anniversary is the 17th. So I begged, pleaded and tried to convince my husband that we need a new slr camera for when the new baby was here. I told him it could count as my birthday/anniversary/Christmas present. I'm thinking we should wait until January in hopes that there will be a sale on them but I don't know if there will actually be one. I just don't know which camera to get. I have a Canon power shot now which is pretty great but I've seen the pictures on other peoples blogs that they have taken with a slr camera and they are pretty amazing. I'm trying to decide between Canon or Nikon...anyone with some advice?

So I lay in bed at night as I'm trying to fall asleep and I end up writing all these blog posts in my head and they sound so great to me in my pre-sleep fog and I tell myself this time I will remember what I wrote in my head the night before, only I'm so old now that I can't remember sh*t unless it's written down on a post it. (is it even less offensive when I put that little star in there when you all know what word I mean anyway? probably not huh.) I'm really this amazing and funny writer in my head but in reality when I sit down to actually write something it's beyond boring. My inner comedian is stifled.

So I've been trying to get Neil to help more around the house now that I'm pregnant only it's been an uphill battle considering he is basically a caveman living in the here and now. You know the kind of guy I'm talking about...the kind who thinks the women do the cooking, cleaning and childcare. He loves to throw in my face at those times that I ask for help that he does all the food shopping. It's true, he does and I'm so grateful for that...I really am. Thing is, I couldn't even do it if I wanted to. I've been living in Brooklyn for almost 7 years and I still don't know how to parallel park or how to get many places by car, nor would he let me go out at night alone which is the only chance I'd have to go. I wouldn't even know how to get to the grocery store to do the shopping...poor excuse I know. The things I've asked for help around the house are little things too. Like folding the highchair up after Gia's done with it. I think he's done that once in the last month...so helpful! He has come a long way though and I really shouldn't complain...I'm just worried about how I'll get it all done once the baby comes and is attached to my boob every two hours (again my choice, I just think it's the most amazing bonding experience). Time to put my big girl panties on, my super mom cape and realize I can do it all with or without help...right ladies?! Right?! So anyway...how do you all get the hubby to help out more around the house...or is he a caveman like mine?

18 weeks and counting

2009-09-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go? No, seriously...I think there is a black hole in my house that just sucks up all of my time lately...and the baby isn't even here yet!

We found out a few weeks ago that we are having a baby boy. On one hand I'm excited, on the other I'm scared sh*tless. I don't know how to do things that little boys find fun. And...how do you keep from getting pee'd on when you change their diaper? I have heard of pee pee tee pee's but do they really work? I'm guessing I will just take a diaper and lay it over him while I clean him up then throw on the next one. I wouldn't have been so worried if we found out it was another girl. I know how to raise girls. I'm all for playing with dolls and doing tea party's...dinosaurs on the other hand, not so sure about that one. I'll figure it out along the way and I know I will fall madly in love with him upon sight and these worries won't matter anymore. But right now I'm freaking out a little bit. Also, not loving the boy clothes out there. I keep looking for more rocker type clothes because I'm not into the whole sports thing and neither is Neil. So, feel free to leave comments if you know of any places that have rocker type baby boy clothes. There are a few things at Babies R Us online, but not much.

I'm also hating those beautiful pregnant woman out there. Other woman get this lovely glow and clear beautiful skin. They are super skinny and look like they have this tiny little basketball stuffed under their shirts. I look in the mirror and there really isn't a patch of skin that isn't covered by a pimple, no exaggeration! And even though I've only gained four pounds so far (not bad for five months) for some reason my face gets fatter too. I'm already overweight but even with that in mind my face isn't usually this fat. I only notice it when pictures are taken of me...which is why I try very hard not to be in many while pregnant.

All that aside things are going pretty well. Gia is growing up too quickly. She is learning a few new words every day...I can't even keep up with which new words she's learned on a given day. She had her 18 month check up (technically she'd just turned 19 months) and she weighs 25 lbs now and is in the 75 percentile for height. She has yet to have a temper tantrum and seems to roll with any new changes thrown her way. She's down to one nap now which seems to work better than the two she was taking before.

We are trying to transition her from her morning bottle to a sippy cup but she's not having it. She pushes it aside after taking a sip and making a face. She's down to the one bottle at night and I dread taking that one away from her when the time comes. I'm sure once the new baby is here I won't stress over these little things anymore because I'll be way too busy, but for now I worry that she is getting enough nutrients that she needs, especially when she hates chicken and red meat, as well as eggs, yogurt and cottage cheese. She gets very little protein and no matter how I try to disguise it she's onto me. I guess being a picky eater myself this is what I deserve.

I'm off to check in on my other bloggy friends that I've missed catching up on.

home again...

2009-08-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

We got back from vacation two days ago and I'm missing my Mom already. It was so nice to be back in the "country" and breath the fresh air and see the flowers and grass everywhere. I guess I'm more of a county girl at heart than the city girl I've become since moving to Brooklyn. I have a ton of pictures so those will be posted over the next week or so.

Gia was just amazing on this trip, she didn't even mind the five hour car ride. We didn't have to take out any toys to distract her with, she just snuggled with her taggie elephant or played with her shoes. She enjoyed watching the scenery passing by and would point to the trees and one of the big rivers we drove by. She slept and napped fine in the hotel, even in a different crib. She actually slept better than Mommy and Daddy did! I'm so impressed with my little girl!

Here are some pictures of her chasing the guinea hens at my mother's cousins house...she really wanted to get her hands on them, while they really wanted to get as far away from her as possible.

Thanks to Amanda for helping me figure out how to move my pictures to the bottom of my post...I actually figured out how to follow your directions! Go check her blog out, seriously funny!

Beam me up...somebody!

2009-07-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm driving myself crazy trying to pack and remember everything we need to take on our trip back home. We leave tomorrow and I'm starting to panic a little bit. I'm crossing fingers and toes that I don't forget anything that Gia will need, things that you can't just buy in a store...things like her favorite stuffed animals that she sleeps with. We have an ultrasound scheduled first thing in the morning which is going to put back the time we get on the road. We were hoping to leave first thing so we had a good hour of Gia being happy and in a good mood before she dropped off to sleep during the time she would normally nap, no such luck though. We also heard the weather is going to be crap tomorrow, pouring rain and thunderstorms...yay! Lucky me is the driver since Neil can get lost in our own bathroom. I know the way pretty well since I used to drive back and forth between New Hampshire and New York before I moved here, but my mother bought us a GPS (Garmin) anyway...do those things still work in pouring rain? I'm really wishing we had one of those transporter thingys that they had on Star Trek...how much easier that would be to just hold the the little one and luggage and just be at the hotel in two seconds?! I'm about ready to pull my hair out because as I type this one of Gia's toys keeps playing music and I don't know which one it is...or where it is. I'm thinking it's time to weed out some toys and pack them in the attic so there aren't so many for me to look through when there is a rogue toy spouting off. I hate packing! I think there should be people you could hire to do it for you so you could sit on the couch eating cookies and pointing out everything they need to throw in the suitcase for you. Then when something gets forgotten you have someone else to blame besides yourself. Can you tell I'm really just procrastinating and have really no specific theme going with this entry? Wish me luck...and I'll see you all next weekend!

Bruce Willis & the orange pitcher from hell

2009-07-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

and a close up...

Your probably wondering about the Bruce Willis pictures, but you'll have to read to the end to find out...not because I'm building suspense or to make you read the other boring stuff just to get to that, but because I'm a blogger idiot who hasn't figured out how to get pictures in where I want them...they always end up at the top. So yesterday my husband took the day off to go to this first trimester screening at the specialist with me. The baby was too small so we need to go back next Friday, the positive is that I get to see our little peanut again. I also have to come up with a better name than peanut...it's so generic. Anyway, because I'm "lucky" enough to have high blood pressure and being of advanced maternal age (makes me sound like I'm 60 or something) they also want to do this thing where they check my kidney function. As we are walking out the door they hand me this huge orange pitcher, and of course I'm like "no thanks, I'm not thirsty". Oh no, they weren't offering me something to drink...nope, I'm supposed to pee into that for 24 hours then rush it to the lab at the end of that 24 hour period. I'm looking at it with horror...it has a smallish hole at the top and I'm like...I'm supposed to pee directly into that?! Why yes I am...because getting up to pee every two hours through the night isn't bad enough. TMI warning....so I started this morning and since it's too big to hold over the toilet I have to climb into the bathtub and try to get the girl parts in just the right spot over the opening. I've already peed down my leg twice today...fabulous! I've washed down the bathtub floor each time too, another joy. And while I'm having the time of my life with this torturous orange pitcher the phone rings....it's Neil saying "guess who I'm standing a few feet away from...you'll never guess". Seriously...why do people ask you to guess when they know you'll never guess?! And me being in the best of moods wasn't feeling like playing the game so just asked who it was. It was Bruce Willis. I'm actually thinking of hitting hubby over the head with the damn orange pitcher tonight. So yay him, he gets to see this celebrity while I'm having my own "good time" at home with the orange pitcher from hell (how many times have I typed orange pitcher in here? I would offer a prize to those of you with the spare time to read back through and tell me...but I got nothing to give you...unless you want the orange pitcher). The best part is I get to do this kidney function test at the end of the 2nd and the 3rd trimester...looking forward to that! He took the picture above with his phone under the el train near his job during his lunch break. I've only ever got to see Scott Baio eating outside a deli (to New Yorkers...or Italians, their called pork stores...but whatever, who cares right?) and it was as we were speeding by. They were filming for the second season of his reality show, and stupid me forgot that one time to take my camera with me that day. Oh yeah and I also saw Robin Williams when he was filming the movie Jumanji in the town I was going to beauty school in (Keene, N.H.). So there is mine...and hubby's excitment of the day.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2009-07-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

Two weeks in a row...inching towards the second trimester and back from the abyss known as my couch. (so really, that makes no sense does it...but does it really matter on RTT?)

Those of you who want to join in in the randomness head over to Keely's blog.

I have this thing about making sure the dishes are done right after dinner (I might be a bit OCD) but am lazy enough to let them dry in the dish drain. Every now and then they'll clink and rattle together every time I walk by which makes me feel like a big old dinosaur stomping around my kitchen.

Recently I saw a dog with painted toenails...why?! Dog strollers...another why?!

You ever notice things now when you are watching cartoons that you didn't notice when you were a kid? Both Neil and I have realized that Sesame Street is set in New York, neither one of us figured that out until Gia started watching it. And some of those old Warner Brother cartoons have a lot of adult humor in there that I never caught onto as a kid.

My husband thinks I'm strange (for many reasons but I'm only listing one thing right now) because I have to warm my ice cream up. I can't eat it right out of the freezer, it has to get all warm and mushy.

I've recently learned from Gia that peas are not for eating but are for smushing all over your face (I can't really blame her for that one...peas are not the most appetizing of vegetables).

The End. Now go on over to Keely's already!

Breaking Loose

2009-07-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

I told myself when I first found I was pregnant for the second time that I wouldn't let this turn into a pregnancy blog because there is more to me than just being an incubator. The problem with that idea is that I forgot how much being pregnant tends to consume your thoughts (when you have a free moment from running after a toddler that is).

The "girls" are seriously trying to make a break for it. They ("they" are supposedly the experts from all the pregnancy websites) say that they aren't supposed to get as big the second time around as the first time...mmm hmmm...not buying that one anymore. I've been trying to stuff, wrangle and strangle them into my regular size bra and it's just not working anymore. This morning there was a note waiting for me from my current bra. "Dear Heather, while I appreciate your faith in my support of your ever growing endowments I'm starting to feel taken advantage of. I'm giving you my resignation now but am willing to be there for you once you have finished breast feeding. Good luck!" So, there ya have it, I have to send the husband up to the attic to fish through and find the bag of pregnancy bras from the first pregnancy.

Neil, of course, loves the new fuller me (I'm already a DD...I honestly do not want to get any fuller, thank you very much). But there is a no touch policy going on as long as the pain persists in that area. I imagine it is much like my longing for a pair of Jimmy Choo's and no matter how long I stare and drool over them in the display window of Saks Fifth Avenue there is no way I'll be getting my hands on those either.

At three months I'm already showing. I think I was well into my fourth month last time before I had to break out the maternity clothes. And while at times I appreciate my husbands honesty I wasn't so much when he said he didn't think I was showing and that's how I always look. Yeah, not exactly his shining moment when he basically admits that his wife always looks fat.

Friday Fill In's

2009-07-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

Since I'm feeling lazy (what's new?) I decided to try this thing out.

1. A Chef and maid make a quick and easy dinner. (oh how I wish!...clicking my heels, twitching my nose and nodding my head...but nothing is working to make that come true!)

2. Happiest Toddler on the Block is the book I'm reading right now. (or at least I'm trying to read it, but not a whole lot of page turning is happening...just rereading the same sentance over and over)

3. July brings back memories of barbecues!

4. Attitude was obvious. (I'm hormonal...what can I say?)

5. They say if you tell your dreams then everybody knows how crazy you really are.

6. Brownies to think it over. (brownies are on the brain lately, and really, they cure just about anything!)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sleep, tomorrow my plans include sleep and Sunday, I want to sleep! (the theme continues to persist...maybe if I weren't up every hour to go to the bathroom through the night I'd be getting some....2nd trimester can't get here quick enough!!!)

Cartwheels, cravings and Napoleon in a dress

2009-07-15T13:49:00.001-07:00

It seems my randomness is spilling over from yesterday into today. I'm starving right now but too lazy to go find something to eat. I need a chef. I had another doctors appointment yesterday and the baby is still doing good. It is measuring at 10 weeks and a few days but I'm supposedly 11 weeks and a few days. My weight stayed the same which made me want to do cartwheels...seeing as I'm 35, pregnant and not in the best shape I refrained (that and the office was really small). I know I'll make up for that later on as I put on the pounds. Waiting to be seen at the doctors office is a whole lot different this time around seeing as we have a toddler (mini Napoleon in a dress) walking all over the waiting room and taking over. She went up to EVERYONE in there and would stare them down until they acknowledged her. One woman was trying to rest and had her eyes shut which caused her to be the MOST fascinating person in there. Gia would stand in front of her repeatedly saying hi as I held her back from touching the woman's leg. I guess my whole "wake up pretend sleeping mommy" game was coming back to bite me in the butt just then. Neil is bringing home dinner from the diner down the block. I've had this craving for their beef barley soup...and I don't like beef, won't eat it. I pick out the huge hunks of it and give them to Neil. He said since he was stopping by to get that anyway would I like anything else? Seriously...you have to ask? So, I'm all doing the happy dance in my head (at this point...well any point...I'm way to lazy to actually dance unless my daughter is tugging on my shirt to dance with her) because I don't have to cook dinner tonight! Last week as we were buying up as many stuffed sesame characters for Gia we saw a bassinet for the new baby. It's the perfect height to measure up with our super high bed. It also has this feature that you can lift up the top and carry the sleeping (hopefully) baby with you from room to room as you chase after your energizer bunny toddler...which seemed like a great thing too. Neil's going to go get that soon and store it up in the attic until we need it. He's convinced I'm having a boy just because there have been a few differences in this pregnancy compared to the first one. I'm not saying he's wrong, but I don't think a few differences automatically means it's the opposite sex as the first pregnancy. I'm seriously praying that it's another girl. Back when I was all in puppy, head over heels, euphoric, beginning love with Neil I agreed that our first born son would be named after his father. His father's name is Larry! It's an Italian custom that the first born son names his first born son after their father. Now I'm kicking myself for agreeing to that! I cringe when I think of calling my child Larry, I have nothing against anyone with that name, I just REALLY don't like it. I love my father in law...but hate the name! I've been begging and pleading with Neil to get him to at least let us name him the Italian version of Larry, which is Lorenzo...that I can handle. I've pointed out that his own father named him (Neil) after his father, but americanized it. Neil's grandfathers name was Aneillo. I figure if it was ok for them to change it up then we can too, only the opposite way. So far I'm not sure I'm making a whole lot of headway but I still have another 6 months and labor is my ace in the hole. I'm willing to fight dirty on this one...come on...Larry?! Wouldn't you?!

Random Tuesday Thoughts...where have I been?

2009-07-14T08:48:00.001-07:00

It's been well over a week since I last posted and it seemed like a good day to get one written...I love RTT!

This whole pregnancy with a toddler thing is kicking my butt! I take an hour nap in the morning while Gia does then the rest of the day is running after her, then cook dinner during her last short nap of the day and by the time she goes to bed for the night I'm ready to crash after all the cleaning gets done.

My daughter has turned into a cavebaby. She has figured out that if she grunts and points it's a form of communication and sometimes gets her the very thing she has been itching to get her fingers on. It was kind of cute at first but now I can't wait until she can use some words to let me know what she wants.

She has also learned manipulation recently. When she is getting into something I told her not to and catch her she turns on the toddler charm with a huge sunny smile and a big "hi" which never fails to make me laugh and say "hi" back.

I've decided one of the great things about being pregnant again is not having to hold my stomach in to look thinner.

Do foreign speaking countries have special keyboards to type on? I'm "friends" on Facebook with an exchange student from Denmark that lived with my family for a year back in the 80's and I go to his FB page and it just looks like gibberish...which got me to thinking...how does it type that way? Does he have a special keyboard with all sorts of weird letters with those curly cue things on top?

I'm thinking of doing a search to see if leprosy ended up having a cure. My acne only seems to be getting worse and more painful as the pregnancy progresses...and the comments have now changed to (prefaced with a gasp) "what happened to your face?"

Lately Gia has been completely fascinated with the vacuum cleaner. I've got my fingers crossed that this fascination continues through the teenage years so I can get her to vacuum for me.

Neil is convinced that Gia's hair is turning curly (his is curly and he hates it so he's hoping hers won't be) just because she gets curls on the end of her hair right in the area of her neck (it dries that way because it's right in the curve of her neck but I love to tease him and agree that it must be turning curly). He also thinks I can somehow cut his hair so it's straight...yeah, not possible and I have a cosmetology license that proves I know this.

That's it for my random thoughts. To join in head on over to Keely's blog and add yourself to Mr.Linky after you post.

Thankful Thursday

2009-07-02T17:35:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I did this and seems like just the right time to get another one of these posted.

Things that I'm thankful for today/this week are...

The way my daughter can always make me laugh, even when I'm not feeling well or in a bad mood.
Ice cream sandwiches...or just ice cream in general...it seriously solves a lot of things, maybe not as well as a brownie or something ooey gooey chocolate but when it's all that is in the house it works.
The sun! It has rained everyday for the past three weeks in NY and I was beginning to wonder what it looked like to see a blue, cloudless sky.

And there ya have it...my thankfulness all spelled out (probably incorrectly but there nonetheless). Oh yeah, and I'm always thankful for my sweet (most of the time) daughter, husband and little peanut...teeny tiny that you are.

Sleeplessness, leprosy and ice cream

2009-07-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling seriously sorry for myself and I need to snap out of it. This past weekend was a rough one. Gia had a cold and for some reason every time she gets a cough she will cough until she throws up. At this point I think she's so afraid of it happening that she cries and works herself up until she starts coughing and then vomits again. It's heartbreaking. Neil took Friday off and we took her to the doctor. She'd been up five times the night before and she had never done that before. She didn't have a fever then, but a few days before that she had one off and on. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with her...she couldn't even hear any congestion in her chest...but I always wonder how she could hear it if it were there when Gia is screaming at the top of her lungs as the doctor "tries" to listen. They even checked for a UTI but that was clear too. The night after we went to the doctors Gia was fussing/whining/crying every 15-20 minutes for the first four hours after we put her to bed. I alternated between rocking and singing to her then putting her back into her crib, or I'd take her into bed with me. I'd had maybe three hours of sleep the night before and this next night wasn't shaping up so well either. I didn't dare fall asleep while she was with me because I was so worried she would wiggle herself right off the edge, or that she would stuff her face into one of the pillows and suffocate herself (have I mentioned I'm a worrier?). Finally around 12 I begged Neil to watch over her so I could get at least an hour of sleep. He slept the whole night before and had already slept some that night while I'd been trying to manage on only three, being exhausted and newly pregnant. I was almost in tears I was so tired. Wouldn't you know she slept from that point on? He finally woke me up three hours later and had me come into the bedroom from the couch. I'm so relieved that she is feeling better and so relieved that those two horrific nights weren't some new sleep disorder. I don't know why Neil and I do this still, but the few times this has happened we question the hell out of it instead of just seeing it for what it is, a sick child having a hard time sleeping when she feels terrible. So, here I am now sick with her cold and while it's really not the worst I've ever had, it certainly isn't fun. On top of that my face is breaking out like a 16 year old boy...OH.MY.GOD....it's the worst it's ever been. I seriously look like I have a case of leprosy...no exaggeration! And, comments from everyone here in the house such as "wow, your face is really breaking out!" are so not helpful...I mean really, do they think I don't see what they see as I scare myself every morning when I get a peak in the mirror? And, while I know I shouldn't, I'm going to go have an ice cream sandwich now because I'm having my very own pity party and what would a good old pity party be without ice cream? Brownies would be my first choice but I'm way to lazy to make them, so ice cream it is!

Can I get a woot woot?

2009-06-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, corny title, I know...I'm just so happy! It feels like I can finally breathe again...my doctor found the baby's heartbeat!!! Neil and I were so worried since this hadn't happened while I was pregnant with Gia. Just hearing from other people through comments on here and friends, I did feel a little bit more reassured when they told me the doctor wasn't able to find their baby's heartbeat until 7, 8 or even 9 weeks along...but you know the worry never really goes away. And, like an emotional pregnant woman I cried like an idiot when the doctor showed us the heartbeat and we were able to hear it as well. It was just a huge relief. Thank you everyone for all the kind comments and for sharing similar stories...they all helped me to feel a little better. The doctor didn't change my due date because when he did the blood work all my levels showed me to be at 6 weeks at the time he took my blood a week ago...so I'm officially 7 weeks and 4 days. My due date is February 10th...just two days after Gia was born. So other than all that worry, things are going well here. The monster in law has settled down a bit and is finally speaking to me again. I'm feeling much more weepy this time around than I was with Gia. I came across a show on TLC today called Rock The Reception...and it actually made me cry. I felt so stupid but I was just thinking "way to go guys!" because they did such a good job with this choreographed dance they planned for the first dance with the whole wedding party...all I can say is pathetic! When I was pregnant with Gia I was SO happy and never cried...life was great! This time I'm crabby and cry at the drop of a hat. Could this mean a boy is on the way?

biting my nails

2009-06-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't been in the blogging kind of mood, between being so tired and worried it has been the last thing on my mind. I went in for my first appointment at the doctors to confirm the pregnancy and they did. But when they did the sonogram to check for the heartbeat there was none. The doctor said he couldn't find the fetal stem either. He said not to worry just yet (he doesn't know me well enough apparently) that it could just be that I miscalculated my last period...but I'm pretty sure I didn't. And that little non period of spotting was exactly 28 days after the day I wrote down my last period. I don't know what to think. I'm really hoping and praying that it was just too soon to see the heartbeat and fetal stem. He took blood to check my levels and make sure I had enough hcg and progesterone in my system. I should have heard back either today or by Monday at the latest...since I didn't hear from him today it either means it was good news, or that he just didn't get the results back yet but it doesn't help me stop worrying since I don't know which it is. Then I was texting back and forth with my closest friend and she said that two of her miscarriages were similar to this, they couldn't find a heartbeat...talk about making me even more worried! But she said when she was pregnant with her first (after the miscarriages) they didn't get a heartbeat until 8 weeks. We have another sonogram scheduled for Tuesday and it really can't get here quick enough. To top it all off my mother in law hasn't been taking her medication and is on the rampage saying she wants to kick Neil, Gia and I out of the house...only the house is in Neil's name so she couldn't anyway. She is demanding to see Gia more than she already does and she sees her a lot now. So, to show her displeasure she isn't coming up to play with Gia in the afternoon because it requires her to be in our apartment and be around me. Doesn't make sense that she wants more time but isn't coming up to see her in the afternoon...again, not taking her med's. All I want is peace, I want time away from this crazy house, I want to know that the baby is ok...but life isn't fair all the time is it? I promise I'll be back to stalking everyone's blog when I'm not so emotionally preoccupied.

Jekyll & Hyde

2009-06-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

My daughter, so sweet, so angelic and happy for the first 12 months of her life...has changed! I was SO not prepared for the whole toddler Jekyll & Hyde routine. Most of the time she is a happy kid, is fairly flexible and does well with the schedule we have her on. But every now and then this sweet little girl turns into a crying, whining, mad little person. Come lunch time I will put something on her tray that she LOVES and just the sight will bring on a full out crying jag until I scrape every last bit off and make like I never put it there to begin with. Other times she will be in the middle of doing something and just start crying for what appears to be no reason...hmmm come to think of it, sounds like me lately. I think it's on purpose that babies are just so freakin cute when they are born, I think that there is a round table up in Heaven and a bunch of them got together and said "ya know what, lets give the parents a good year to bond with, wonder at and fall deeply in love with their child before we let them see what children are really all about". That way when there is a tantrum, crying and whining fest going on you just look at your child with bewilderment, shrug your shoulders and carry on...because you have in fact fallen deeply in love with said child.

Thankful Thursday

2009-06-11T18:39:00.001-07:00

I missed doing my Thankful entry last week so I'm making sure I get it done tonight.

I'm thankful for...

My daughters naps now more than ever...it gives me the opportunity to go back for one myself now that I'm exhausted all the time!
My bed...it's one of those sleep number beds and I just LOOOOOVE it...if I could marry it I would...it's THAT comfortable people!
My pillows...I have 10 of them...one body pillow and 9 regular pillows that I love to prop up around me...two for slinging my leg over when I sleep on my side (anyone see a theme here...sleep and my bed are all I think about these days and how I can get in it as soon as possible, as often as possible)
All the lovely congratulatory comments from my blogging friends...any comments really, they make my day. I've been so tired lately that I haven't had as much time to visit everyone else to make comments so I feel like a bad blogging friend. In another 2 months I will be back to stalking you all again.

And...as always I am beyond thankful for my husband, daughter...and little peanut on the way!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

Boxes are SO much more fun than toys!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2009-06-09T13:14:00.001-07:00

Click on the picture above to join in the Randomness over at Keely's blog...the one who encourages us to let all chaotic thoughts spill carelessly out of our heads.

Isn't "moot" a funny word? I actually wasn't sure it was a word but hubby says it is. I've only ever heard it in conjunction with the word "point".

I hate when I click on a blogger profile pic and it's the same size as on their profile...and even though I know this I still click on it...cause I'm nosey (stupid) like that.

While I give my husband credit for trying to help it doesn't really qualify as help if every five seconds he asks where this or that goes and interrupts me as I'm trying to get something else done. It's almost easier to do it myself..."almost" being the key word.

We got a new baby gate because we were getting too lazy to swing our legs up and over the one we had already. The new one has a little door on it, it's metal spray painted white and every time I walk through it I feel like I'm getting ready to get onto the tilt a whirl. It reminds me of the white gates they have to keep you in line at amusement parks. When I told this to Neil he looked at me a little strange. Hey, it's not my fault he had a boring childhood and was never taken to Six Flags!

About 15 months later we finally realized they have OVERNIGHT diapers! I never knew! We'd been putting a cloth diaper over her disposable with one of those plastic "undies" on top of that...my poor daughter! (please don't report me for stupid parent of the year)

And there ya have it for my Random Tuesday Thoughts...now go on over to Keely's and join in on the fun (seriously, it's addicting!).